Thursday, July 8, 2010

The Priest's Visit

(For my friend, Jettie, because she never forgets a dang thing you tell her)
Once upon a time in 1984,
Our wonderful friend,
Father John,
came to visit us.
We were living in Florida.
He had a purpose for his visit.
It was to see the beautiful church
just up the street from our house.
He was building a church
and looking for ideas.

He said he would be most delighted

to spend the evening and eat dinner

at our house.

The three little kids were spit polished and shined

for the occasion.

Oldest son disappeared as soon as the camera came out.

I set the table with my Pfalzgraf dishes,

I had the Yorktowne pattern-

blue & white-
The perfect dishes for the 1980's family
that liked to eat.
At any family dinner when we had guests,
either MyHero or I would make sure
that we sat next to MamasBoy.
This was purely for self-preservation
because you never knew WHAT he would say.
Especially when we had a priest at the table.
Lord love us.
We sat...
We saw...
We saw that MamasBoy was unfettered
and sitting between his two sisters
at the end of the table.
Across from MyHero.
Lord help us all.
The dinner started nicely enough.
Small talk all around.
Oldest son telling about his track record.
TPot & Mimi talking about dance school.
School? Did someone say SCHOOL?
MamasBoy's ear perked right up!
HE could talk about school!
He sure could!
DAD-he said..
What? What son?
Do you know what me and Nicky wuz DISGUSTING today, Dad?
(I am shaking my eyes back and forth so violently I fear they will roll out)
Don't ask- I mouth.
Never one to catch the finer points of eye signals,
MyHero asks- WHAT?
What were you talking about?
MamasBoy's eyes took on a shiny gleam.
He very earnestly leaned forward,
TIPS! He shouted! We were disgusting (yep-disgusting-not discussing) TIPS!
(Only he didn't say TIPS- replace the P with a T)
(I am cleaning it up for Blogland).
OH NO! My face starts to burn!
Father John's eyes do a slow slide to MamasBoy's face.
I see a slight smile pulling at the corner of his lips.
MyHero, now confused, waits for the "rest of the story".
Yeah, Dad! We wus disgusting TIPS!
I just love TIPS, don't you Dad?
By now not a breath can be heard at the table.
Mimi chances a look at MamasBoy!
He looks at her.
Mimi, he says, ever so seriously.
You might never have TIPS
but you got the spots where they're supposed to be!
At this she started to giggle because
These two little sisters
Were known to
be caught
walking around
with oranges stuffed in their shirts
Looking like this.
And the conversation went downhill from there.
your photo name


Jettie said...

OK OK, I'm rolling in the floor, and you know how badly I need a good belly laugh right about now.
I know why duct tape was invented, and it wasn't for ducts or ducks, but those human offspring that embarrassed us every time they opened their mouth.

Remind me sometime to tell you about the 'MYRTLE. story. Oh heck, I'll do it now.

As you probably remember, dh collects old cars. No rhyme or reason, to the collection, just what strikes his fancy. We happened to find a green and white 59 Chevrolet El Camino type vehicle, and the 'want' kicked in, so he purchased it. Well, as anyone knows, those are very homely vehicles with the fins and cat eye taillights. When we got it home, the kids laughed at it, and told us how ugly it was. Then they named it MYRTLE. Fast forward about 3 days, we were returning the trailer we'd borrowed from hubby's brother to trailer the car home. When we arrived, sister in law's sister, Myrtle, and her hubby were there. The kids started talking about the vehicle we'd brought home, and mentioned we called it a Myrtle...You should have heard me scrambling to outtalk those kids before they said the reason we named it that, was it was so ugly....When I hushed, Myrtle was beaming that we'd named a car after her.

Julie Harward said...

LOL...that is so least the preacher smiled! :D

NanaDiana said...

Jett-That is a funny story..Like you, I don't know how many "recoveries" I have had to make over the years. I'll bet that car was a hum-dinger! Diana

Debbie said...

This is too funny. When we had a priest supp with us, as he pulled his chair up...across the wood floor, our youngest asked, "did you fart Father?" Made for an interesting conversation at supper.

"Cottage By The Sea" said...

When a priest comes for dinner at our house I just tell him right off the bat that I won't be responsible for anything my children may say or do in his presense. Funny, funny story Diana. I think the funny things within a family are the reason priests like to be invited to dinner so much, don't you?