Literal Little Lulu

Lulu is the oldest daughter

of my oldest daughter, TPot.

Now, I'm not saying the nut

doesn't fall far from the tree..

but let me tell you,

when her Mom was little

she came home from school

and was singing

The Star Spangled Banner,

a song they were learning in school.

Just for no good reason but I want

to tell you this...that song

always brings tears to my eyes..

Anyway..

So TPot was singing..

Hosea' can you see, by the dawn's earl..

Huh? What?

TPot start again..

HOSEA'

can you see...by the daw.......

What's the matter?

Nothing..start again..

HOSEA'

can you se....

What's so funny?

Nothing...start again..

No! Tell me what's

so funny?????Well, the words are ..

OH SAY can you see by the dawn's early light.

No it's not, Mom! It's Hosea'

can you see...

Cuz there's a new kid in our class named Hosea'

and he doesn't know where everything is yet..

so the song is Hosea' can you see THE FLAG..

Well, I wasn't gonna argue with a first grader..

I figured she'd get it right before she

graduated. I never did

remember exactly WHEN she

figured it out...but it

was good for a few laughs

at the time.

So, the other day,

daughter of my daughter,

needs some socks.

I told her to go up to the bedroom

they sleep in when they visit here

and look in the top drawer~

and she would find some new socks.

She comes down the steps,

looking a bit discouraged.

What's the matter? I ask.

I can't wear these!

They are for 4 to 6..

and I am 8

so I can't wear them....

Alrighty then..LULU!

Let me see if I can find some

different ones.

Up the steps,

remove the label,

hand them to her..

These fit fine, Nana,

Thank you!

Same socks-different concept~

This literal little girl loves to read.She is a very good reader..

reading about 2 years above her grade level.

I love to watch her and her friend,

sitting in Barnes & Noble

reading a book! In a world where there are

so many wordily distractions, I am

glad to see kids reading.

After we leave Barnes & Noble

we head to Olive Garden for lunch.

A treat reserved for once-in-a-while.

They order their food.

We eat and as we are about to leave

we see Lulu's ex-babysitter,Miss G,

who now has a life..

and doesn't babysit anymore.

She chit chats with Lulu and tells her

how much she has grown.

Lulu, she says, maybe someday

when you are a little older and I have

kids you can babysit for me..

just like I did for you.

No, Lulu says, thank you,

but I really don't want to.

Oh, sure you will I don't mean right

now...I mean when you get older.

No, Lulu says, very seriously,

I won't want to.

Why not? Asks MissG, smiling.

Well, because you were mean when

you babysat so your kids will probably

be mean too.

MissG's mouth dropped open in surprise.

My mouth dropped open in surprise.

(or maybe it was mortification...sometimes

I get those two mixed up.)

MissG recovering nicely said,

Lulu, I wasn't mean..

Yes, yes you were, MissG.

You were mean.

We said our goodbyes and left.

When we got in the parking lot

her Mom and I started laughing

hysterically. We hooted and howled

with tears in our eyes. I could hardly

catch my breath.

Finally..my daughter said,

Lulu! Why did you ever say that?

Lulu, very earnestly, said..

Because it's the truth...

The moral of the story is...

never ask a question you don't

already know the answer to.

Especially if the person in front of you

is our Little Lulu.

Bubble Baths By The Bay

Before I post this I want to apologize to my friends that have heard me tell

this story 100 times in women's groups!

We have something that you don’t often see.
It is a bathtub that is OUTSIDE the house.

It is an old claw foot that we picked up

while we were remodeling the house.

It weighed too much to put in the upstairs bathroom

- so-

we did what no normal person would do.

We put it on the patio that faces the Bay.

We even piped in hot & cold water...

That can be shut off for winter freezes.

What fun that old tub has turned out to be!

After the kids have rolled in the grass

and played hard in the sunshine

they get to take a bubble bath outside.

We watch the sun set

and the moon rise.

It is an awesome experience

and the conversation

ranges from light hearted and bubbly to

DEEP THOUGHTS.

One balmy and beautiful evening

proved to be conducive

to some deep bonding ~

a time when one generation

reached across an invisible boundary and

touched the soul, and heart of another.

Ria, with her sweet & whispery little voice,

started by counting the stars.

She was amazed that there were more stars

than she could ever count.

She asked me if that was where Heaven was.

I told her I didn’t know exactly where heaven was

but that it was somewhere beyond this Earth.

She asked if I thought the stars were little lights

that guided the Angels.

I told her that they could be just that.

We started naming stars for the people

that we thought might be angels.

Were my Mom & Dad there, she wondered.

I told her they were.

She wondered if her sister, Anna Bella

might be "up there".

I told her I thought so.

Then she asked me why people had to die.

Before I could answer

Lulu jumped in with her perfect logic.

"Ria", she said, "When you get to be as old as Nana

just about everyone you know is dead!

Besides that~if no one in your family ever died

you wouldn’t have enough chairs for people to sit on

when they came over...

and just think about having to buy presents

for everyone at Christmas time if nobody ever died."

"Wow! I thought-

I never looked at it that way before..

but now that you mention it...

That sure sounds like a logical answer to me!

However, to move away from the thoughts

of death and dying,

I pointed to the full and ripe moon that hung low in the sky.

"Look," I said,

"It’s God’s flashlight that he uses".

(I stole that from my brother, by the way)-

(thank you very much Charlie)

Ria softly, and with great wonderment, asked,

"It is?"

"I think so", I replied.

SweetCheeks looked at me with suspicion

darkening her brow....

"Nana," she said, "Sometimes

I think youah isss just imaginataging things!"

And so I am!

I am imagining that someday

these precious and beautiful children

will look back and

remember a warm summer night

in an outdoor bathtub-

being watched over by the moon

and a Nana that loved them.

Oh! The Things They Will Say...

You remember our friend,

Father John?

Of course you do!

You just met him yesterday.

You would think that after a few family fiascos

he would learn to say,

Sorry! I can't make it.

However, when we moved back from Florida

he was anxious to see us

and made a trip to our house~

for dinner, of course ;>)

Before he got there we quickly put our dog, Sugar,

into the garage.

She was in heat. Nuff said.

Father John was quite fond of Oldest son.

Oldest son had just started dating

a very nice young lady

named THE GIRL.

We knew her parents and liked them a lot.
Oldest son started talking about THE GIRL.

He is proudly showing off pictures of THE GIRL to Father John.

MamasBoy is leaning against Father John.

Because he loved him AND

because he didn't want to miss a word.

He was listening to Oldest son wax eloquent about

THE GIRL.

Uh-Oh! SOMEONE has let Sugar

out of the garage and into the house!

MamasBoy is the only one that notices.

Father John is engrossed in the conversation

and looking at the pictures of THE GIRL

Hey! Father! MamasBoy quips.

Uh-oh...you gotta watch out for her

(he is talking about Sugar, the dog)

(the priest assumes he is talking about THE GIRL)

MamasBoy continues...

She's not supposed to come in here cuz....

She bleeds from the bottom, ya know?
The priest continues to dutifully study pictures of THE GIRL.

MamasBoy is on a roll now...
Yep! Ya gotta keep her away from a boy or she'll have babies!

I see a slow flush creeping up Father John's neck and onto his face.I decide this conversation needs some steering...

John! John! I tell him..

MamasBoy is talking about the dog...

The dog is in heat! (not knowing any other term to use at that particular moment in time)

OH MY! Says Father John,

relief flooding his voice.

I knew he was precocious but I thought that was a bit much

EVEN FOR HIM.

And so it was.

Amen &

Amen!

The Priest's Visit

(For my friend, Jettie, because she never forgets a dang thing you tell her)

Once upon a time in 1984,

Our wonderful friend,

Father John,

came to visit us.

We were living in Florida.

He had a purpose for his visit.

It was to see the beautiful church

just up the street from our house.

He was building a church

and looking for ideas.

He said he would be most delighted

to spend the evening and eat dinner

at our house.

The three little kids were spit polished and shined

for the occasion.

Oldest son disappeared as soon as the camera came out.

I set the table with my Pfalzgraf dishes,

I had the Yorktowne pattern-

blue & white-

The perfect dishes for the 1980's family

that liked to eat.

At any family dinner when we had guests,

either MyHero or I would make sure

that we sat next to MamasBoy.

This was purely for self-preservation

because you never knew WHAT he would say.

Especially when we had a priest at the table.

Lord love us.

We sat...

We saw...

We saw that MamasBoy was unfettered

and sitting between his two sisters

at the end of the table.

Across from MyHero.

Lord help us all.

The dinner started nicely enough.

Small talk all around.

Oldest son telling about his track record.

TPot & Mimi talking about dance school.

School? Did someone say SCHOOL?

MamasBoy's ear perked right up!

HE could talk about school!

He sure could!

DAD-he said..

DAD!

What? What son?

Do you know what me and Nicky wuz DISGUSTING today, Dad?

(I am shaking my eyes back and forth so violently I fear they will roll out)

Don't ask- I mouth.

Never one to catch the finer points of eye signals,

MyHero asks- WHAT?

What were you talking about?

MamasBoy's eyes took on a shiny gleam.

He very earnestly leaned forward,

TIPS! He shouted! We were disgusting (yep-disgusting-not discussing) TIPS!

(Only he didn't say TIPS- replace the P with a T)

(I am cleaning it up for Blogland).

OH NO! My face starts to burn!

Father John's eyes do a slow slide to MamasBoy's face.

I see a slight smile pulling at the corner of his lips.

MyHero, now confused, waits for the "rest of the story".

Yeah, Dad! We wus disgusting TIPS!

I just love TIPS, don't you Dad?

By now not a breath can be heard at the table.

Mimi chances a look at MamasBoy!

He looks at her.

Mimi, he says, ever so seriously.

You might never have TIPS

but you got the spots where they're supposed to be!

At this she started to giggle because

These two little sisters

Were known to

be caught

walking around

with oranges stuffed in their shirts

Looking like this.

And the conversation went downhill from there.

Say What?

I am constantly amazed by the difference between children~even children from the same family that are only one year apart in age. Lasterday (as Lulu always said for yesterday) we were driving home with Lulu & Ria. We had been to a ball game and it was pouring-not raining gently-pouring!

As we were approaching a stop sign we came alongside a young man that was pedaling a bike by using his hands. I could see that his legs were somewhat atrophied and, because of a back support he was wearing, I assumed he was paralyzed from the waist down. The girls asked why he was pedaling a bike with his hands. I gave them a simple explanation based on what I could see. Ria kind of sighed with that "Oh-poor man caught in the rain" expression. Literal Lulu, on the other hand apparently missed the sympathy gene implanted in her sister. She looked over at the man and asked, "So, he's paralyzed from the waist down?" "I think so," I replied. "Well, then...how did he get on the bike in the first place?" I was fully expecting a -Oh! That's too bad-what do you think happened to him? Nope! Nothing like that-The facts, ma'am...just the facts!

I told MyHero, when we were out of earshot, that she has the funniest "take" on things of anyone I have ever known. A little later, as she was getting ready for bed, she told me that she needed to wear old clothes to school the next day. I asked why (they have a pretty strict dress code). "Well," she said, ever-so-seriously, "It's the next-to-last day of school and my teacher says we're going to be using elbow grease and I don't want to get it on my clothes!" I whipped my head around to see if she was kidding me. Guess what? She wasn't! Okay...I'm gonna explore this now and see how far it goes. "Well, how are you gonna use the elbow grease?" "Nana, (sighing like I am an idiot) I don't know, I guess it just goes down your arm from your elbow!" I couldn't bear to break her bubble of trust in her teacher. I walked into the other room and laughed until I felt I could control myself in a Nana-ly manner before kissing her sweet little face off to bed.

Every day I spend with my grandchildren I learn something new. Every day I get a child's eye view of the world. It is a place of Fact and Fantasy. Fiction and Foolishness. Fun and Fairies. Every day brings me closer to the child that I used to be. Every day, in every way, I am blessed!

Pray For Me

Remember I told you that I had another "church story" coming up? Well, there are a couple-one of which I can never write about because it has a really naughty word repeated several
times ....hmmm...maybe I could use an imaginary word for THAT word...we'll see....but here is the event that is on my mind today.

Our Little Lulu is getting ready to make her first communion. If you are Catholic you know about first communion rites. If you don't~google it. In preparation for this special, and sacred event, there have been several things happening. One was that she made a special loaf of bread and took it to church a couple of Sundays ago. She was to give it to a complete stranger and ask that person to pray for her until the sacrament. When she told MyHero about it he asked who she gave it to...she said it was a stranger...he said...Yes, I know that but WHO is it? hmmm.....I wonder which part of
"stranger" didn't register?

When Lulu's Mom, TPot, made HER first communion there was a special meeting the day before; a practice. At the end of the practice the priest asked if anyone had a name of a person that they would like everyone to pray for. As a bit of background, this event was held soon after the Challenger exploded and was fresh in everyone's mind. My friend Ruth's Dad had just died in FL. I believe he had a heart attack shortly after the Challenger accident. My son, MamasBoy had never met him but had heard us talking about him. When the priest asked for names, MamasBoy waved his arm wildly in the air (this was before I could put a squelch hold on him because you never knew WHAT he was going to say). "Yes, lad?" asked the little Irish priest, Father Flynn. "And, who wouldja like us to pray for then?" MamasBoy's eyes flooded with tears. "I'd like ya to pray for my dear old grandfadder that died watching the space ship 'splode!'...tears now streaming down his face. I looked over at my friend, Kathy who had this perplexed look on her face and was mouthing, "What?" I shook my head and looked down and started scolding myself....careful....careful...you are going to lose it......Oh No! Here it comes....I have to put my head down on the pew in front of me because I am laughing so hard that I fear I am going to faint. A side glance out of my eye and I notice that Kathy, too, is bent double in her seat. "Lord, love this child, for praying for someone so dear to him", intones the priest. I reach over and yank MamasBoy down into the seat before he can add anything to his convoluted story.

As we are leaving the church Kathy and I are wiping our eyes (laughing in church is NOT a good thing) and people are telling me how sorry they are that MamasBoy's grandfather passed and ask if there is anything they can do. I simply say "No Thank You" because I don't want to explain the whole story. Kathy mouths, "Tell them to send cash!"

Mimi's Mouth - Wed

Does anyone have a red-head in the family? If so, you will know exactly what I am talking about. Our little red-head was the sweetest baby ever (well, except when she was having a bad day). On a good day she would smile and play nicely by herself. She would sit in her high chair for long stretches and build Cheerio castles. You know the one....wet your finger and stick one Cheerio on top of the other until the thing topples over. Or worse, until you turn your head and your sister EATS your tower. At that point we see fit to throw ALL the Cheerios on the floor AND the glass of milk (mind you, this was BEFORE sippy cups with lids). The little face would turn a shade that closely matched the hair. I seem to remember there was some kicking involved too...oh and maybe some screaming...but other than that, Mimi was a dream child.

Then, she started to talk. WHERE did she learn those words? Not from me! Not from MyHero! She learned them from her older brother and his friends. She seemed to know just when to spew those words out for the biggest effect.

One day she was dressed in a powder blue dress with matching ribbons in her hair and socks with blue ruffles (Yes, yes, I was one of THOSE mothers-the sew ribbons (or ruffles) on the socks and iron their T-shirts kind of Moms-you know, the one you all hate but secretly wish you had the time to be like). So, the child of my dreams is dressed for her sister’s birthday party. She and I are picking up the Barbie doll cake. Did you ever see one? It has Barbie in the center with frosted goodness for a skirt. Mama’sBoy liked to lick the icing off the doll after the cake was served but that is an embarrassing story for another day. Anyway, we are at the store. Two elderly ladies are admiring my little Princess. One says, "My! Aren’t you cute?" Sweet and softness replies, "Thank you, ma’am"!.(Yes, my children said Ma’am and Sir when they were younger-people were always asking if we were from Down South-which tells you how polite THOSE kids are And, I might add, thank you all my Southern friends for doing such a good job with your kids). Number 2 gramma says, "What a pretty dress you have!" Rose petals flow from the mouth, "Thank you, ma’am". While this whole conversation is going on The Vision Of Cuteness has her hand wrapped around a candy bar -which I am NOT going to let her have-and I kept asking her VERY NICELY, and oh-so-sweetly, to PUT BACK ON THE CANDY RACK (you all know the one-it sits RIGHT next to the check out counter where no discerning child can miss it). With every sweet request I made Little Miss Mimi would jut her chin out a bit further and say "NO!". Once more Lady #1 remarked, "You have beautiful curly red hair & I love your socks". Oh my, how precious this child is as she whispers once again, "Thank you, Ma’am". Aha...but now the moment of truth has arrived. We are AT the checkout counter. We are next in line. Lady #1 & Lady #2 are beaming with joy at this enchanting elf of a child. I catch her chin in my hands, look her in the eye and say (a bit sternly now), "Mimi, PUT the candy back!" Whereupon, the vision of sugarplums comes crashing down as she screeches~ "OK-you #$%*&!"
I hear horrified gasps behind me. I am not even going to attempt to explain. I do not even want to meet their gaze. Poof~ They have become invisible to me. I look Miss Mouth in the eyes and say, "You are getting punished when we leave the store." She turns around and looks at the ladies who are quivering with shock and says..."Good-bye now"-She gives them her most sparkly smile, blows them a kiss, and we leave the store. Over the years, I have remembered that scene again and again. I often wonder what those ladies talked about over lunch that day. I am also trying to remember the punishment...whatever it was-it didn’t work!. All her teenage years she still thought I was a @#$&*!.....and now she has a child of her own. God is Good!

Driving To School

Yesterday I took Little Lulu to school. She spent the previous night at our house all by herself~a rare occurrence when you have 2 younger siblings. She didn't have to share hugs or attention with anyone. She is a comical little thing- 7 going on 12. She is smart beyond her years (and makes sure her sister that is one year younger knows it). She can read on about a 4th grade level and comprehends pretty much of what she reads. She took a test on dinosaurs and got 100%-you know, Herbivores, Omnivores...remember those? Sure you do! Sad to say MrK did NOT remember his dinosaurs. She said-I'm going to give you a little test Papa. What kind of test he wanted to know. Oh, it's an easy one she assured him. There's only 12 questions and I got them all right. After the test MrK hung his head low with shame. She told him that if he ever DID have to take a REAL test she would help him with the answers. Yes, indeedy, our little Lulu is very smart. However, and here is where it gets interesting, she is very literal- Let me spell that for you L-I-T-E-R-A-L. What does that mean, you ask? I'm so glad you asked. Well, I would have told you anyway but it's always nice to get a little encouragement. (Her MOM is literal too, but we aren't going to talk about that today-I will save that for a day when I need a REALLY GOOD laugh). So back to Lulu~ We are driving along and she is reading. She is reading a Dora The Explorer book. Now if you are around kids you know who Dora is~she is the modern version of Captain Kangeroo (raise your hand if you remember him-You too, you liar, I KNOW you're old enough to remember him-always giving me that crap that you weren't born yet-yeah right-you might LOOK 40 but---I KNOW who your plastic surgeon is-I work at the hospital remember?)...okay...where was I? Oh, yeah, Dora The Explorer is like Captain Kangeroo- only without the cheerios in the big ole droopy mustache. She goes on great adventures and teaches you the Spanish version of the work-like Hola- for Hello. So, Little Lulu is reading along and she comes to a spot in the story that puzzles her. She stops reading and asks, "Nana-what is a SCHOOL BUTT?" I asked- "You mean a school BUS? (thinking to myself OK-this kid is not as smart as I thought she was). NO...she says....School BUTT-what is a school but? I said- Lulu-that must be a mis-print it must mean school bus! By now Lulu is working herself into a snit. NO-Nana-it says right here Dora is going to the school butt. Huh? What? What does the NEXT sentence say? OHHHHH- It says, Dora is going to the school BUT she needs to walk on the sidewalk. Ah....thank God! Mystery solved but I am about to wet my pants from trying not to laugh out loud (well that and the fact that I drank a whole pot of coffee while she was poking along getting ready).

However, here is the greater mystery of the day. As we get nearer to the school (which I should mention at this point is a parochial school-which will come into play a bit further along) Lulu is reading (I think) and says- Jesus, Mary & Joseph! OK-Either she is cursing, which I doubt because she has never cursed before, OR she is praying (and going to her school that might be an option)....but just to make sure I whip my head around (without my eyes ever leaving the road because that wouldn't be safe with a child in the car)...I whip around and look at her. She is staring out the window and pointing. My eyes follow her extended finger. Lo and behold, it is a Christmas Nativity. No matter that it is now Valentine's Day.... No matter that all the other Christmas decorations in the area have been stored away...No sir...what we have here is a life-size nativity on the front lawn. (nothing wrong with that folks-we all have them)...AH-but here is what makes this one special. The "shelter" (call it a creche, call it a stable,whatever you like)...the "shelter" is made out of stolen signs! I am not kidding you-I am not making this up-Jesus, Mary & Joseph are residing in an abode that would not please them. I'm not sure about this but I am pretty sure that the idiot that set this up didn't realize that when you are standing straight in front of it and looking in you would see a big Vote For sign on one side and a ROADWORK AHEAD-DO NOT ENTER on the other side. What was this guy thinking? Now, not only do I have to explain WHY he has a stable up in his front yard for Valentine's Day-I have to pretend that I didn't see the stolen street signs....and don't be trying to tell me that they were discards. I have NEVER in my whole, l-o-n-g life seen discarded street signs. Have you? Before Lulu can ask any more questions we have reached the school and I am off the hook. You know-It could have been a whole lot worse. We could have been coming down the back street to our place where the neighbor has seen fit to make a large metal oval oil tank into a Holstein (that's a cow (C-O-W) for all you city folk) complete with ears that stick up and a milking farmer....Imagine explaining THAT to a kid!