Friday, September 10, 2010

Driving Miss Mouth

We meet in the parking lot
of Starbucks...
We meet because it is TPot's birthday.
I am going to give her some flowers
We are going to have coffee.
This is going to be a 15 minute visit
and then I am headed home to work.
However...Once there I find that
I am NOT on SweetCheeks list called
People I Love
this morning.
I iss mad at yoah, Nana..she says
without meeting my eyes.
Why are you mad at me? I prod.
Beechause you pwlayed a twrick on
me yesturday and yoah rhipped up
my unnderwares.

Now..before y'all go crazy on me here...
She had two little holes in the back of
her underwear. I stuck my two fingers
in them and pulled.
The whole butt of them ripped out...
I laughed & thought
she would laugh her butt off. (get it?)
Butt? Never mind...
She didn't!
She cried. She said....
Dos werhe my fahavorite underwares...and
now dey iss ripped.

Let me just say this in my own defense.
When I see MyHero walking by in a pair
of ratty old tighty-whities that are looking
a bit holey (not holy) and ugly...that's
what I do...I grab on the back of them
and rip them off.
He doesn't usually think it's funny either..
Maybe I should do it INSIDE the house
next time and not on the patio...
man has NOOO sense of humor..

Anyway...I tell SweetCheeks that I will buy
her some new underwear to replace the
ones I rip. She brightens considerably.
When? She wants to know..
Yeah, Nana! Today, right?
Yeah, yeah, right..Today!

First though...we have to give
Mama her flowers and Nana
has to get some coffee...Okay?
Okay! We are all smiles now!

I get my coffee and we get in the car and head to Target.

TPot snaps a picture of SweetCheeks in her car seat.

What are you doing? I ask her.
I isss cleening the whindow.
I wonder if it dirty..
Noah...I iss just using a whet whipe to clean
my spit off whearh I was drawing wiff my fingher.
TPot thinks that is hysterical. Me? Not so funny.

We arrive at Target and SweetCheeks agrees (for once)

to ride in the cart. That is always a good thing.

I know where she is and what she is doing

and her reach is limited.
Thank you, God, for
making the mind that invented seats in cartsUnfortunately, my joy is short lived.
One must get OUT of the cart
to inspect underwear! Of course.
This is a BIG decision.
A 10 minute decision.
A LIFE-altering decision.
One that can't be left to haphazard
chance. Finally...we have made a choice.
Now it is LUNCH time...and TPot's birthday.
SweetCheeks is outvoted and we go to Olive Garden.
She orders mac and cheese...she's a cheap date.
After we eat I drive and SweetCheeks talks..
and talks...and talks...and talks...
and sings...and sings...and talks..
and talks...
Nana did yoah know that you shuld wipe
rweally good in the baffhroom so yoah
doan slip on the flooarh and get yoah
pajamas wet?
Really? Reeallly!
Nana! Did yoah know yoah isss not supposed
to scratch yoah owies cuz yoah will bleed?
Really? Reeeally!
Doan you know eny of dis shtuff, Nana?
Nope! Hmmm..eyes roll around until I think
they will come out of her head.
I'hm prutty smart, huh, Nanneee?
Yep! I am rewarded with a big smile!
My daughter wants to look a new housing section
so we drive around looking for it.
Arhe you lost, Nana? Nope!
Yesss yoah AHRE! Yoah doan know where
you iss goin so yoah is lost...
and thiss isss NOT my own street.
Hers lost huh Mama?
Yep! She's lost, SweetCheeks! Mama
says smirking.
Seee..I telled yoah yoahr were losted!
Okay-just so y'all know that I am SMARTER
than she is...I don't argue with her..
I let her win. (this time)
By now it is time to pick up big sisters from
school. We arrive .
I open the moon roof and we sit in the parking
lot. SweetCheeks unbuckles herself and pops
her head out to wave and bestow good wishes
on everyone passing by. She tells me she
is Cinderellah and I am the Good Queen
(Hmmm...not sure how that happened..I
am usually the whicked witch) and
suddenly she says she is
a Rock Star!
Rock Star Cinderellah AKCSHUUALLY!She sees her sisters coming and grabs up the
two treats that she has saved for them.
They iss gonna be so 'cited, Nana...
Do yoah think dey will know I already ahte my own?
I don't know SweetCheeks.
Hey, Nana...take a picksure of my mouffh and
then I can see if they can tell!
Your "whish" is my command, Princess!
Look! Can they tell?
Noah...dey cahn't tell...iss our secret Nana...
And Nana? Yes, honey?
Doan tell dem I ghot new underwares..
Yoah know why?
Because it will make them feel bad?
Noah! Cuzz I wanna tell them myshelff!
Of course you do!
And so, folks, that is how a 15 minute visit
turned into a whole day of
Driving Miss Mouth.
your photo name


WeeFaerie said...

LOL! She's adorable! I think trading 15 minutes for a whole day was a good deal :)

Melissa K said...

What a lovely story! :)

Diana said...

Entertaining events for the day!!! Great story....

A Cottage Muse said...

Goodness...this reminds me of the days of my little ones in the backseat! Love it, thanks for sharing!!!

Diane said...

Awwww, I had to laugh out loud when I read that about the panties, lol. Now what are us Nana's for if not to keep an eye out for wore out panites, lol. She is a doll Ü

Thanks for visiting me over at Pittypat Paperie and leaving the nice comment about book page pumpkin. Drop by again sometimes.

Teresa said...

Awww! So SWEET! I KNOW your grand~babies LOVE their NANA!
That's what my niece and nephew call my mom...NANA!
So nice that you all live that close and can go to TARGET together!
I would LOVE to go to TARGET with my mom today!
ENJOY these moments!
So priceless!
Thanks for all the SWEET~SWEET comments you leave on my blog!
I love them all!
And look forward to your visits!
Happy Weekend my Friend!

taragokey said...

Can you please re-name this particular entry to "When is nap-time, PLEASE!?". You also left out the reason we took a drive in the first place. To let her fall asleep in the backseat. I think that worked against us. ~Tpot.
PS. Thank you for the beautiful flowers!

LDH said...

Oh, you too!!! I also have that uncontrollable urge! My husband now knows I WILL tear any of his undies that show any signs of holes. And... he not only thinks I have issues, he hates that I do this.

Your little sweetheart has lots of personality! And you describe her antics with such humor :)

Pam said...

Maybe, just maybe you should quit ripping other people undies???? And I can see why it would be a life altering decision on which pack of undies to buy. She's going to have them forever. Or until you rip them again.

Lindy said...

Too funny about the panties. I need to smile at least once a day so....I'm a follower. Thanks for the story!

Bella said...

Hi Diana... It sounds like a day you will never forget, a wonderful day! It also sounds like she may have the gift of gab like someone else?
My husband loves to say "is that an air hole or a tear hole", I think either way he sticks his fingerr in and rips:-)
Have a great weekend!

NanaDiana said... he rippping HIS OWN underwear or????? just askin'