The Farmer In The Smell

Remember the old children's song The Farmer In The Dell? Well, this is the real version of that! My friend, Sandy (her real name-hahaha-GOTCHA girl), lives on a farm. It was always her dream to live on a farm. She loved cows and horses and the smell of hay curing in the sun. She was the perfect "farmer’s wife". (Or so we thought). Guess what she did? After a rocky first marriage she met and married the man of her dreams~Larry-yep-that’s his real name too. Lo and behold, he was a farmer. They farmed. She loved the sound of the cows lowing in the barn. She adored the kittens that scampered across the barn floor and snuck them into the house when Larry wasn't looking. She had a house cat & a dog & a horse. A perfect life on the perfect farm. Ah...yes...but, as we all know, all good things must come to an end. Sadly, Larry decided they should move off the family farm and transport themselves a state or so away to another farm. Fine...no problem....Sandy’s a good sport. She likes farming & her Mom & Dad can come visit. There's one small glitch- she and I are now even further apart-oh well, we’ll just stay longer when we do get together.
They pack up the house and move way out to the wilds of Minnesota. You have to watch a movie about Minnesota to understand da language now dere, hey? Well, that sounds nice, you think. Right? A nice farm-just in another state. That’s what Sandy thought too. Then, the proverbial shoe dropped (right in the sty)! They were moving to a PIG farm. She cried, she whined, she liked to have died! A PIG farm?!?! OH NO! But, sure enough~ soon the barns were up and the little piglets started rolling in. The barns are a far piece from the house so I can’t smell them at all. Sandy swears she can-especially on a day where the wind is on the down blow- and let me tell you, where they are- the wind NEVER stops blowing! Hang your sheets out and plan on the mailman picking them up about 3 farms down. Summer isn’t so bad but those winter winds will freeze the words coming out of your mouth. Somewhere around April all those words come back to haunt you and Larry finally finds out what was aggravating Sandy around Christmas time.
Well, I love my friend and I missed her. She had already been to visit me several times. It's my turn to visit her. I’m a good sport too. I decide to pack up TPot and Lulu (Lucy & SweetCheeks were but a glint in TheBrawnyMan’s eye back then) and head off to the farm. When Sandy & I get together it is like "coming home". We are like sisters that didn’t grow up together. We have an uncommon bond. We have a more common bond too- We don’t like pigs! Now, Larry, being an all around nice guy, gave Sandy the go-ahead to use the real barn (not the pig barn down the road) for some "other animals". What does she have? She has POLISH chickens. Ever see them? They look like chickens with the wrong heads. They own the place. They are proud and loud! She also has pigmy goats~ which are about the cutest things I ever saw. They are so cute that they will eat the clothes off your butt if you stand in one place too long. She has kittens and more kittens...and some calves.
When we get there we are sure our little Miss Lulu is going to love the kittens and the goats. We line her up in front of the stall and she peeks in at the little goats.
She licks the stall (yes she licked everything-windows, doors, floors). The baby goats nibble her fingers and she laughs. The kittens are curling round her legs as she walks but does she care? No! She is conserving all of her energy to chase those stinking chickens. "Lulu, don’t you want to pet the kitties?", we ask! "NO Nana, I wike dose hickens". Great! And they are SO user friendly (NOT). We spent 3 days there and not once did we get close enough to even see if they had eyes. As soon as they saw us coming they "runned away". Not to be outdone by Sandy’s dog, Scooter, who also "runned away". Scooter is not his real name but I don't remember it and Scooter fits! We would be several miles from home and see Scooter out for his daily jog. We thought he was training for the 300 mile sprint but were unable to ascertain that fact. One day he started running and never stopped. Only God knows where that crazy dog ended up-he's probably still running.
The best part about our visit to The Farm? I lost 5 pounds in 3 days chasing ugly chickens. Yep! I’m thinking of going back and taking SweetCheeks (who hasn’t been there yet) and staying for a month- If I get lucky and SHE likes the chickens I might lose another 20 pounds!

Like I said before, I love my friend. I would visit her anywhere~ her work place, prison, heck yes-even the pig farm. However, I will close with one tip for y’all. If you are visiting a pig farm-do it on a mildly cool day with the wind on the upswing. You'll be glad you did.
pssssst~ (Sandy...please don’t send me a hate letter-you know I love ya)