I know that not all of you visit
where I do updates on John's cancer journey.
I am copying and pasting my morning post here.
You don't need to comment-
although you are welcome to do so.
However, if you only have time to read and run
that is just fine, too.
Good Morning!
We feel like we are crossing a bridge. It's an old rickety bridge that spans the Cancer Chasm; a bridge that has weak spots in the floorboards that could let one plunge through with a misstep. The guardrails on the sides are ineffective at best - no longer offering security as they once did. There is nothing tangible to grab and hold onto. It is a bridge that is not longer car worthy so you can't drive across it. You have to walk slowly and skirt all the dangerous spots. Sometimes you have to step on the weak spots even though you don't want to do so. You carefully test that area before you put your full weight on it, breath a sigh of relief when it holds up under your weight, and then you carefully move forward to the next safe spot. You don't look down because you don't want to know how far you have to fall--so you look straight ahead to the goal on the other side and you look up to the heavens for help.
We feel like we are crossing a bridge. It's an old rickety bridge that spans the Cancer Chasm; a bridge that has weak spots in the floorboards that could let one plunge through with a misstep. The guardrails on the sides are ineffective at best - no longer offering security as they once did. There is nothing tangible to grab and hold onto. It is a bridge that is not longer car worthy so you can't drive across it. You have to walk slowly and skirt all the dangerous spots. Sometimes you have to step on the weak spots even though you don't want to do so. You carefully test that area before you put your full weight on it, breath a sigh of relief when it holds up under your weight, and then you carefully move forward to the next safe spot. You don't look down because you don't want to know how far you have to fall--so you look straight ahead to the goal on the other side and you look up to the heavens for help.
John has worked his way almost all the way across the bridge. He has dealt with nausea, pain, burning, anxiety, fear, insomnia, exhaustion, weight loss, inability to swallow, frustration and all around discomfort.
He has dealt with all those pitfalls admirably with determination and resolve. He has been able to manage his nausea and pain with medications (most of the time). He has learned to let me feed him and not complain about having to take 'one more Liquid Refreshment' (which most of you would call Ensure or something similar). At this point he sleeps quite a bit of the time. It is hard for him to talk and concentrate so he is no longer visiting with people. He has chemo brain (which he will deny so then you KNOW he has it)
His biggest strength, of course, comes from the Lord. He is in constant prayer-not only for himself but for others around him. He prays for our kids and grandkids so that they can deal with the changes in Dad/Papa. He prays for me (that I won't poison him when he is in a snit). I have told him he is not allowed to touch the attendant during feeding time (me)-no matter how bad the jokes are. Sometimes I can still get a smile out of him.
He prays for the people we see at Bellin Cancer Center. Some of the people we see there will not be cured and it is heartbreaking. When this is all over he hopes to return to his position as a chaplain. Although he has always prayed for people in the hospital, and felt sympathy for them, he now has a whole new understanding of the full range of emotions they experience.
We are on the COUNTDOWN TO THE CURE here. We have one more week and one more day of treatment. We feel like we can see the safe ground on the other side of that rickety old bridge.
We thank you for all your prayers and good thoughts. They have bolstered us on this journey.
Have a wonderful weekend- Diana ps. When I hit safe ground I am getting into a convertible and speeding away...and if MyHero is NICE to me I MAY take him with me! Anyone got one of those police radar devices I can borrow?
