Saturday, May 9, 2020

Happy Mother's Day -Both Sides of Motherhood............

The last time I published this,
I got two HATEFUL emails
and the writers quit following me.
The writers felt that I was being
disrespectful and unkind.
I thought I was just being honest.

~so~
I have published this before but
I believe that someone new might
find comfort in the words written here.

You know Mother's Day is a special
day for many people.
However, 
not everyone was blessed to have
a wonderful mother.
To them, Mother's Day is a mockery,
an injustice because of
 all the hurts they
have suffered.

Blogging is not all sweetness
and light.
There are deep, dark pains
that hide beneath some of
the smiling faces...
aches that are too
deep to share with anyone.

Also- I want to acknowledge
that today is a sad day for
those dear women that wanted
desperately to be mothers
and were unable to conceive,
or lost their children in miscarriages,
and to those that made
a decision to not have children
and now regret it.
Also- to those whose children
have passed before them-
Unimaginable pain to bear----
I know there is a lot of pain
in all of our hearts and 
we all grieve with you.

I think this piece I wrote
addresses both types of 
MOTHERS

Mother's Day

Some of us have been blessed with wonderful Mothers.
Some of us have Mothers that were not quite so admirable.

Some of us have Mothers that praised us and adored us,
Some of us have Mothers that never said a kind word.

Some of us have Mothers that loved us unconditionally.
Some of us have Mothers that loved us only
if we met all her expectations,
and even that was not enough.

Some of us have Mothers that smiled readily.
Some of us have Mothers that never found much to smile about.

Some of us have Mothers that~
whatever we did~ it is more than they hoped for.
Some of us have Mothers that
no matter WHAT we did-it was never 
"quite right".

Some of us have Mothers that had a charmed childhood.
Some of us have Mothers that were raised in pain & shame.

Some of us have Mothers that
 need us & want us in their lives.
Some of us have Mothers that are needy
 and we seldom see them.

Some of us have Mothers that complete our lives.
Some of us have Mothers that
leave us aching, wanting and empty.

Some of us have Mothers that stand
on this side of the Great Beyond.
Some of us have Mothers that have passed
 over this earthly barrier.

Some of us will emulate our Mothers.
Some of us will vow to never be
anything like our Mothers.

Some of us are happy and fulfilled,
no matter what kind of Mother we had.
Some of us will never be happy
even if we were nurtured by an amazing Mother.

Today I am blessed to be a Mother.
My daughters are blessed to be Mothers, too.
Today I vow that I will be
the best mother (and grandmother) I can be.

Today I vow that I will love
as deeply as I can those that share my life.

Today I know that I am blessed indeed~
Today I hope that you find blessings
in your own life-
and love your Mother
even if it is just because she gave you life.

~Happy Mother's Day from Me to You~
©Nana Diana 
your photo name

71 comments:

Laurie said...

Beautifully written, anyone that believes every mother on this planet is sweet loving and kind are living in a make believe world. The act of becoming a mother doesn’t automatically give you a loving kind personality, you have give love and respect to earn love and respect. There are nasty evil mothers out there in this big old world. Have a wonderful Mother’s Day you wonderful mother you!

HIBISCUS HOUSE said...

I see nothing wrong and in fact, think you've covered all in this one post about Mothers. Happy Mother's Day to you sweet friend!
xoxo Dolly

Anonymous said...

Brilliantly written! I fear those who sent the hateful emails don’t care to see themselves portrayed as anything less than perfect. Keep on being truthful and Happy Mothers Day!

NanaNor's said...

Dearest Diana, I am one who related to being a daughter to a mother who wasn’t what we needed or wanted and that made us such devoted mothers and Nanas. I wish I had a chance to know my mother as an adult, but I’ll see her in Glory. I’m sorry for those who stopped following you-it’s their loss. I love you dear friend and find we are more alike than not! Blessings to you!
Live, Noreen

~Lavender Dreamer~ said...

Happy Mother's Day my friend! I know you are a blessing to your whole family and I hope you have a very special day! I'm proud of myself....and don't mind saying so! I loved having a big family and raising a house full of boys! I'm glad I'm still close to all of them. And with that....'nuff said! heehee! Sweet hugs, Diane

Jettie said...

I was raised by one of 'those' mothers, nothing I ever did was good enough, it did one thing for me though, I vowed if I had children I wouldn't make a difference in them, and I kept my promise. I bent over backwards to never show any favoritism. My mother could never get along with all 3 daughters at the same time, one was alway 'out'. I'm not ashamed to say that I was disowned by my mother at least 3 times. The last time when she tried to get me back, because the others weren't doing her bidding, I told her No, that I was tired of being used, and would not be used again. She hung up on me.
Anyone who thinks this is insulting or in bad taste hasn't lived with the pain of one of those mothers.

Louca por porcelana said...

Beautiful post!Happy Mother's Day!

CHERI said...

Diana, you and I discussed this via email last year but you probably don't remember...you have so many followers and so many comments:) In my opinion you writing this just shows your compassion for all women who have or have not experienced motherhood "on both sides of the fence." It would be a wonderful world indeed if all mothers were loving and caring and treated their children with respect, but sadly that isn't the case. The people who stopped following you are the ones who are not understanding and/or compassionate and it's their loss, not yours. Happy Mother's Day, sweet lady.

Junkchiccottage said...

This is truthful and beautifully written Diana. You should be able to write what you feel and not be in judgement of others. I guess in this world we live some people really get upset over things they do not agree with. We should feel free to write what we feel so bravo to you to express your thoughts on Mother's Day. I always say if someone does not agree with your words or blog they should move on and it is not the right place for them. I just do not like when someone is rude or hurtful in their comments about your post or thoughts. That is not necessary and I am glad to hear they moved on. You are the sweetest and most compassionate person I know and give to so many so if you lost two peeps because of your Mother's Day thoughts then they really should not have been here in the first place. You are one of the best Mom's, Mother in Law and grandmother anyone could ever have. Celebrate that love tomorrow. Even though we cannot have our family members near we can still celebrate us and enjoy the special day. Hope you have a special day tomorrow for yourself.
Hugs,
Kris

Betty said...

I am glad you posted this. I cherished this holiday at one time, but now just wished it was over.

Tom said...

...in my mind, any woman who loves, supports, cares and nurtures children is a mother! Giving birth isn't the only criteria, my Mother was adopted and my Grandmother was a mother to look up to and admire. Happy Mothers Day Diana.

Anonymous said...

Haters are going to hate. This was well thought out, well said for many of your followers. Many many women are saying thank you from both spectrums. Stay you Diana. 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼🤗🤗🤗 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

Pat Roth.

jack69 said...

Oh yes, you have addressed a subject that honestly is needed. We that had loving, hard working, giving ladies do not understand what it is like to have a mother who is a drug addict, prostitute or one who abandoned her child.
My sister who never had a child in her final years would not attend church on Mother's day.
Anyway, I understood the entry and appreciate someone who is able to express it as well as you did.
Love you and Happy Mother's day to you.
Sherry & jack

Mama Pea said...

I fail to see why anyone would find fault with what you originally wrote in this post. Just as there are good and bad people in general, there are (for a myriad of reasons) good and bad mothers. My own mother was not a "bad" mother by any stretch of the imagination, and she was a better mother than her mother. I once told my daughter that I hoped I was a better mother than my mother and knew with all my heart that she (my daughter) would be a better mother than I was. (Still with me?) A great tragedy of my daughter's life was that she was unable to have a child, but the work she has done with children for the last twenty-some years proves what a wonderful mother she would have been. So if, as you say, we vow to be the best mother (and grandmother) we can be, we're doing purdy darn good!

Happy Mother's Day to you, Nana Diana!

Bless said...

Happy Mother's Day to you, too, Diana.

Starting Over, Accepting Changes - Maybe said...

I have read quite a few posts on Blogger from people who had difficult mothers and that bad relationship clouded their lives. My heart goes out to them. I had a good mom and although she was not perfect, she did her best. I loved her dearly and always will.

Terra said...

I like this piece you wrote, and don't see any problem with it. I was blessed to have an ideal mom, very loving and supportive, and I miss her. She died young, at age 54.

Ginny Hartzler said...

You are telling it like it IS. I think a lot of these people who do not have such good memories of their moms will thank you. Nicely written, without being mean or dishonest.

coffeeontheporchwithme said...

Nothing wrong with what you wrote, Diana. In fact, Mother's Day is a difficulty one, as is Father's Day. Some people don't have a mother, some children now are being raised by grandparents, some people have two mothers, or step-mothers... and yes, some have wonderful mothers, too! Take care! -Jenn

Anonymous said...

Just because a person has children doesn't make them a MOM..my late mil had 9 kids she did not like to cook, clean or anything..she thought that her sons were her husband and she really never liked her three daughters..I am married to her first son and oldest of the 8 kids she had with her second husband who never lifted a finger to help any child or his wife, but she stayed with him..She liked me and my only child I tried to be nice to her but her ways got me all upsett as she was trying to use me lots of times, she lived to nearly 87 and expected a lot from her daughters and some of her sons, when she passed I paid for the cremation etc. with the Visa card I just got..I have been married 46 years soon, only one child and my hubs in my opinion is a real gentleman...I just skip the merry month of May as I had a chaotic childhood I was thrown to many homes and things happened to me, my mom passed when I was 16 and I was basically on my own, I took a long time to marry and had my only child at nearly 30 and I vowed to never treat anyone like I was treated..I read your blog it makes a whole lot of sense and nice explanations to me..happy mothers day to you..

bobbie said...

Hugs ~

Blondie's Journal said...

I love your honesty and truly can't comprehend how anyone would find this offensive.

Sending love to the best loving person I know. 😘. And Happy Mother's Day..
Jane

Shari Burke said...

Happy Mother's Day!

Gayla said...

I think we tend to ignore the pain, embrace the pain, or deny the pain. But I imagine if this beautiful, insightful piece drew such harsh criticism... there was indeed some pain! Happy Mother's Day, dear! We have been blogger buddies for many moons.

Preppy Empty Nester said...

Good Morning, Diana! Happy Mother's Day! I always have to laugh when I see that picture of the baby on your post. My bedroom had that on my wall the first six years of my life. My Mother told me that it was me. I was thrilled because my pediatrician also had that pic. I was so proud that he had a pic of me hanging in his office. Enjoy your day!

Sandra said...

I think its perfect, and every word is true. Holidays hurt so many and the ones not hurt dont even see it. I shudder to think what type of mothers the people were that got angry at this... I have a DIL that is 53 and she can't have children, she is stabbed in the heart every time someone says Happy Mothers day to her. She has 9 dogs, which makes her a mother and has a mother she loves dearly, but it still hurts her... I also have a close friend who had the mother from hell... but she is the best mother in the world and grandmother also

Kay G. said...

Diana,
You know I like this very much. I am astounded that someone could be offended by it. Then again, I am astounded by a great many things these days.
Happy Mother's Day to you, my friend and keep on writing!
Love,
Kay

Linda @ Life and Linda said...

Beautifully written Diana. Some people cannot handle the truth. Life is not always peaches and cream. I see that nasty anonymous blogger is at it again writing terrible things about boomers. They hide behind their computer screen. Thank you for sharing this again. Happy Mother’s day sweet friend. Xoxo

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

There definitely all sides to mothers, but one thing is for sure, we would not be here with ought them. I hope you have wonderful Mothers Day!

Donna said...

I loved this the first time I read it and still think it is truthful and well-written. As much as we would all like to have had June and Ward Cleaver for parents, it doesn't happen too often. Not everyone grew up with a loving and compassionate mother. My brothers and I were fortunate to have our sweet little mommy in our lives. My husband's mother did not have a good role model growing up so she was lacking in certain parenting skills. I suppose some folks would wag their heads and glare at me but truth is truth. The trouble with holidays is that many (most) are portrayed as Hallmark/Norman Rockwell ideals. Too many expectations are placed on people and if an event doesn't measure up, the disappointment can be devastating. Think I just went down a rabbit hole...ha! Diana, you are an astute person with a real talent for writing. Keep on writing, the trolls be damned! ha! I hope your Mother's Day is as you wish. Quiet around here with one daughter in Texas and another one working (will stop by later). xoxo

Debbie-Dabble Blog and A Debbie-Dabble Christmas said...

Diana,
I am so glad that you posted this again. It resonated so much with me last year that (you know) I remembered it this year and posted it on face book....As a daughter that could NEVER live up to her Mother's expectations and was constantly compared to her sister, I did not have that "perfect" relationship with my Mother...There were times when we did not speak for many months... BUT in the end, it was me who carried out her end of life wishes that she desparately wanted and not the daughter she adored... We made amends and said our peace and neither one of us had regrets when she passed away peacefully and with the dignity that she wanted....HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to you, my friend!! Thanks so much for writing this and shining light on the truth of the matter for so many women...
Hugs,
Deb

Brenda Pruitt said...

A great take on both sides! It isn't the same for everyone and thanks for pointing that out.
Brenda

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Some people just cannot look Life honestly in the face. You are not one of those people. I hope you don't lose any more foolish followers this time.

Terri D said...

I can't imagine that anyone would find fault with these words of truth. It is life. I was blessed with a great mom and miss her every day. Happy Mother's Day to you, Diana!!

wisps of words said...

Happy Mother's Day, Sweet Lady!!!!!!!

Lots of gentle hugs,
🌸💙🌸💙🌸💙🌸💙

Doris said...

Beautiful! Happy Mother's day to you, my friend.

This N That said...

You and your family have been blessed...hugs..HAppy Mothers day..

Akasha said...

Happy Mother’s Day! The poem was beautiful.

Pam said...

Well the way I see it is...that if bloggers stopped following you cause they did not like what you posted, then you are better off without them. Hoping you had a good moms day.

Woody said...

Happy Mothers Day, Well written, I knew a few Women from my days as a Police Officer who should have never been allowed to have children! World is getting stranger and more screwed up !
.
((((Hugs))) !

Buttercup said...

I value your thoughtfulness and honesty. We can be deeply grateful and realize that many things were not perfect, even in good and loving relationships. Hope that your day had love and laughter.

Jacqueline~Cabin and Cottage said...

Such a heartfelt post Diana! And so true. I'm glad I saw this today because it is always how I have felt. Mother's Day is so complex for so many reasons and so many people. It's hard to cover all bases as a blogger. I can't imagine someone not understanding this and taking offence though. Bless you. I'm sure many others have been touched by this today.

Jo said...

I hope you had a lovely day.

Michele said...

Hope your Mother's Day was wonderful - in spite of the quarantine and all the worries of today.

That's really hard to believe this heart-felt all-inclusive MD post got a couple folks mad enough to say so - and then leave your blog. WELL.....perhaps that isn't such a bad thing. If they don't understand you were very inclusive in this post.........then, well, perhaps they don't understand anything you are writing and it is best they left.

You must have been shocked and hurt. And for that I am very sorry.

Praying for happiness, peace and good health for you. Big hugs.

Ann said...

I absolutely love this and can't believe anyone would be angry about what you've written. This is true and real not like the ones I see saying that your mother is the best friend you will ever have. My mother was never any kind of friend to me and the sappy stuff they write about how wonderful a mother is just sort of makes me sick.
Hope you had a wonderful Mothers Day

Busy Bee Suz said...

I love your honesty and I can't believe you got hate mail over this. People....*sigh*
There are all sorts of mothers; this is so true.
My Mom would tell the truth when I was an adult, that I kind of raised myself. Or that I was raised by wolves. LOL. She was a single mom who worked a lot when I was a kid and when she was home, she was tired from working.
But, look at me now. :) She didn't have a great childhood either, so I don't think she knew what to do with my brother and I anyway.
But we always knew we were loved and that means a lot.
I hope you had a nice mother's day Diana.
XO

Julie's Creative Lifestyle said...

Hope you had a nice day yesterday and were spoiled by your family.

Lisa said...

I love this every time I read it.
I think it is well said. I am blessed to have a Godly and neutering Mother but I know some do not.
Great post!
Hugs
Lisa

Deborah Montgomery said...

This is real life. Beauty and ugliness all tangled up together. Mother's Day as well as all the other holidays can be extremely painful for many people. Thank you for acknowledging this. We can only try ourselves to be as loving and kind as we can be. xo Deborah

Rita C at Panoply said...

I suppose for those who were offended, the truth must hurt and it was easier to deny it. Even in a family of 9 siblings, each of mine has a different take on how we saw our mother's love or lack thereof. This is life. Happy Mother's Day to you, Diana.

Sally said...

I didn't learn, and still piecing together, the way mine was until after she passed. There are so many facets to why we are who we are. But, God is good and sees us through no matter the circumstances of our lives. I'm glad to realize it wasn't me, it wasn't her; it was more what had happened to her as a teenager. Rest in peace, Mama. Rest in peace.

xoxo

Debby said...

Wow - thanks for letting me know about this post. I applaud you for just coming out and posting about the "mothers day" experience. It's not the same for everyone, that is for sure.

Yeah, my mom, had issues - the only fortunate thing is that as I said, she was loving until I was around 18. Then I don't know what the heck happened. My sister thought after she had a hysterectomy, she changed. The hormones, the pain pills - this was all back in the '70s.

Sorry for your pain. It's always healthy to see the other side of things.

GratefulPrayerThankfulHeart said...

Hi Diana,

Hope your Mother's Day was sweet even during this distancing stuff. I know how dear your family is to you and boy are they beautiful! Your words are true for many and it is understanding the many perspective each lady feels.

And our dear friend, Debbie you mentioned in your last post. Prayers for this most lovely lady who always has a encouraging, uplifting word for everyone. I appreciate your update.

John's Island said...

Hi Diana, I enjoy your posts ... ALL of them. : - ) Thank you for sharing this excellent Mother's Day post. Thanks to your comment on my blog I'm happy to hear that you are staying healthy despite being in one of the Covid hotspots in Wisconsin. And, regarding that comment, I left you a reply on my blog. I'm wishing you and yours continued wellness. Take care and stay safe!

Judy at GoldCountryCottage said...

Diana, I hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day. I have written a few times about my Mom and was surprised that I got comments saying that some moms were not as good as mine was. I don't know why I was surprised because I know it is true and I feel badly that we all can't have those experiences. You said it all beautifully and with compassion..Stay well, my friend..xxoJudy

Pamela M. Steiner said...

Nothing wrong with this post. It probably represents more of us than we know. Not everyone had a perfect life growing up. It is what we do with that that matters. We can choose to be bitter and filled with disdain for those who may have hurt us, or we can choose to try to do better and to forgive the past and to make a big difference for those in our lives who need our love and kindness. We can't fix everything and everyone, but we can set the right example with our own attitudes and trust in God. I was blessed with a wonderful mother, although we didn't always see eye to eye on many things. She was very strong-willed and could be difficult to get along with, but her heart was in the right place and she loved her family and loved the Lord. And that is what made the difference between a good relationship and a bad one...Jesus!!! He made all the difference for her, and for me in my life today. And that is Who we need to emulate in every aspect of life. Thank you for this wonderful post. (((hugs)))

Lowcarb team member said...

I like your words here …

Hope you had a Happy Mother's Day.

All the best Jan

Wanda said...

This so needed to be said. I sometime forget, since I'm one of the blessed ones to have had a wonderful caring mom. My heart truly breaks for those mentioned in this poem full of wisdom and insight.

Kim said...

I am one of the lucky ones, frankly, I consider myself the luckiest when it comes to moms. She was an absolute gem. I'm so grateful for that and know not everyone has the same experience. That makes me sad. I hope your Mother's Day was wonderful. xoxo

Eileen in Fla. said...

Given how good and kind you are to so many people, especially your Blog friends, I can't believe you would get hateful E-mails. What is wrong with people?

Rose L said...

Lovely poem. Thank you.

R's Rue said...

Very well written.

BeachGypsy said...

I can't believe anyone would say anything hateful. You were trying to do something nice!

Debbie-Dabble Blog and A Debbie-Dabble Christmas said...

Diana,
Me again!! Just wanted to thanks you for visiting and for your kind words!!
Hugs,
Debbie

Marilyn @ MountainTopSpice said...

It's wonderful that you include mothers of all kinds. Mothering is not an easy task, and it is always great to remember those whose mothering journeys were difficult, and often sorrow-filled. Many blessings to you!

Sue said...

OH so true, Dianna, great thoughts, Thank you for sharing. I hope your Mother's Day was extra special. Blessings,
Sue

Annie said...

Thank you for sharing and for being honest and authentic! That is what the world needs more of.

Sherri said...

Diana, I see nothing wrong with what you wrote. It is all true and it covered all the bases! Don't pay attention to those people.

FABBY'S LIVING said...


Hope you had a great mom's day dear friend.
I've been busy, exactly with that, taking care of my 90 year old sweet mother, who now needs me a lot and confinement doesn't help either. At least I'm blessed she's now living right under our Pt.House apartment, this way I go down all day, as there is so much to do with her.
Haters will always hate Dianna dear. I've realized jealous and bitter people are so nasty and hurtful. I see that in regular people, politicians, etc.
You, as usual, are so inspired to write so beautifully and so true about life and mothers, as yes, there are so many kind of mothers, that the fact they're moms do not make them sweet and loving.
We were lucky to have the kind of mother everyone wishes, but some don't.
Who cares about those people, maybe they're bad moms that's why they felt they were probably criticized by you, lol...
Sending you many blessings for a safe and healthy life.
Fabby

Karen @ Beatrice Euphemie said...

Oh, Diana, I am in that club of not having the perfect Mom. My Mom was the Betty Ford type - hooked on prescription drugs (amphetamines to lose weight and Valium to sleep at night), not to mention her love of drink. You would never know looking at our life from the outside, but inside it was horrors and I was the recipient. So anyone who wants to ignore the realities of life, really is in La-la land. There is no perfect Mother or perfect family. We all have our problems, but we know how to forgive and instead of being bitter, we
just get better. Sending hugs xo Karen

Anne's Phamilyblog said...

Simply a beautiful share. We need more kindness instead of hatefulness and bitterness. No matter who raised you, you had the opportunity to make your own life better or worse. I loved my my mother and will shout it from the mountaintops until I no longer am alive. xo