This is a copy and paste from The Caring Bridge.
I am posting it here for those of you that
aren't able to access the Caring Bridge.
This has been a very rough few days for John.
I think that he thought once the last radiation treatment was over that he would feel better. The truth is he feels worse at this point.
Coming out of the last radiation treatment, his neck was openly bleeding. We had seen bits of blood in the past but this was much more pronounced.
It was like something 'broke loose' at this last session and the secretions he has been experiencing seemed to double. He is also coughing up a bit of blood from the trauma to his throat. You can imagine how miserable that is with not being able to swallow. He has also been very nauseous for the last several days.
Dr. Pan, the radiologist, insisted that he have 2 hours of hydration after his treatment. His weight, which had been holding pretty steady after the first big drop, took a dive and he dropped several more pounds in the past week. Cancer is a calorie burner and it has exacted its toll.
He sleeps in snatches and wakes up in the middle of the night. There is an 'aloness' in illness. No matter how much someone cares for you they can observe, but not really enter, your realm. It is a fight you have to claim and tackle yourself. Outside support is great, but the inner spirit is what needs to be stoked. Once stoked it can burn through uncertainty, fear and anxiety. John has called on God daily to see him through this battle. While his Bible has been a great comfort to him during trials and tribulations in his life, there are days when he is unable to read; unable to concentrate long enough for the words to make sense. At that point, he relies on prayer and knows that God is protecting him in his lowest moments.
Overall, he just feels ill and miserable. However, that being said, we are looking forward to days and weeks down the road. We hope that by next week this time he will feel a marked improvement and he will be able to smile when I put on my Nurse Ratched uniform and force feed him
.
See this picture? During these times you look forward to the small things that bring you joy. This is our youngest son's little boy, CJK. My son and his wife, along with his sister, her kids and a couple of cousins, attended the Shriner's Circus last weekend. At the end of the show they announced that someone in the audience had a sticker inside their program for a special surprise. Guess who it was? Our little grandson! He won a BIKE from Toys-R-Us. He could pick out a bike of his choice and a matching helmet, training wheels, whatever he wanted. He found a snazzy blue Schwinn bike with a matching helmet. What a lucky little guy!
I think that he thought once the last radiation treatment was over that he would feel better. The truth is he feels worse at this point.
Coming out of the last radiation treatment, his neck was openly bleeding. We had seen bits of blood in the past but this was much more pronounced.
It was like something 'broke loose' at this last session and the secretions he has been experiencing seemed to double. He is also coughing up a bit of blood from the trauma to his throat. You can imagine how miserable that is with not being able to swallow. He has also been very nauseous for the last several days.
Dr. Pan, the radiologist, insisted that he have 2 hours of hydration after his treatment. His weight, which had been holding pretty steady after the first big drop, took a dive and he dropped several more pounds in the past week. Cancer is a calorie burner and it has exacted its toll.
He sleeps in snatches and wakes up in the middle of the night. There is an 'aloness' in illness. No matter how much someone cares for you they can observe, but not really enter, your realm. It is a fight you have to claim and tackle yourself. Outside support is great, but the inner spirit is what needs to be stoked. Once stoked it can burn through uncertainty, fear and anxiety. John has called on God daily to see him through this battle. While his Bible has been a great comfort to him during trials and tribulations in his life, there are days when he is unable to read; unable to concentrate long enough for the words to make sense. At that point, he relies on prayer and knows that God is protecting him in his lowest moments.
Overall, he just feels ill and miserable. However, that being said, we are looking forward to days and weeks down the road. We hope that by next week this time he will feel a marked improvement and he will be able to smile when I put on my Nurse Ratched uniform and force feed him
.
See this picture? During these times you look forward to the small things that bring you joy. This is our youngest son's little boy, CJK. My son and his wife, along with his sister, her kids and a couple of cousins, attended the Shriner's Circus last weekend. At the end of the show they announced that someone in the audience had a sticker inside their program for a special surprise. Guess who it was? Our little grandson! He won a BIKE from Toys-R-Us. He could pick out a bike of his choice and a matching helmet, training wheels, whatever he wanted. He found a snazzy blue Schwinn bike with a matching helmet. What a lucky little guy!
We are lucky, too. We are lucky to have family that is connected in our lives.
After this whole process is over I think we need to get a THREE WHEELER for MyHero too. One of those bikes like they use in Florida --I am thinking a little horn on the front with a basket for his groceries and a matching beanie would be nice! I'll have to see if I can find one online. Wouldn't that be a nice surprise for him?
After this whole process is over I think we need to get a THREE WHEELER for MyHero too. One of those bikes like they use in Florida --I am thinking a little horn on the front with a basket for his groceries and a matching beanie would be nice! I'll have to see if I can find one online. Wouldn't that be a nice surprise for him?
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75 comments:
I will keep him in my prayers. So sorry to hear he has had such a rough week. The tyke on the bike is adorable, and I think you should get the trike. I've seen them around here; there is a colony of older Menonites, and they use them to run errands. Nice looking bikes and sturdy. Even amazon sells them, because they were showing in my feed this morning, because I was shopping for one more crusier. xoox Su
Praying for supernatural peace and comfort, laced with long lengths of hope! Yay that the tough treatments are behind him. Sending lots of love and concern your way, good Diana.
I'm sorry to hear that John is having such a hard time. I know that also weighs on you as you help him to carry as much of this as you can. What a blessing for him that you have such wisdom and insights into to his battles and needs. It's wonderful news that his treatments are over! Prayers for you both as you begin the next part of his healing journey. Hurray for your grandson! That's an awesome thing..and what a beautiful bike! Oh the joy on his little face..
Hugs and blessings to you all.. <3
I read all of your caring bridge posts. I'm always interested in how you and John are doing. Being the caregiver is very stressful too! I hate reading that his throat is bleeding from his treatments. Thank goodness he is done though!!!! This should give him time to recover. I know y'all are eager to find out if the treatments worked. I didn't realize that cancer burns calories. That would explain why they say to get checked if you have unexplained weight loss. I've learned so much from what you and John have gone through in this difficult journey. I liked your analogy of how alone you are when you go through cancer yourself. No one can actually climb in your body and feel what you're dealing with. That is so sad. I'm glad that his faith is helping him right now. I couldn't imagine going through all of this without it!
Keeping your hero in my prayers my friend. I am sorry he is not feeling well after his radiation and has lost some more weight. At least it's done now. Although you're there keeping him company and trying to give love and comfort and even a nurse many times; as you say it must be a lonely journey none the less for the ill, because we just can never know how they truly feel carrying it inside their bodies. Your strength is what really makes him strong.
Congrats to the lucky cutie...wow, he won a bicycle, helmet and training wheels! Little things in life count too, specially with the grandcuties.
Have a blessed week my friend and hero.
FABBY
Diana, I am holding all your family in my thoughts and prayers. I love you guys.I think you are right about illness...No matter how much we are loved and love back...it is pretty personal. Your hero is a faith strong man and will be more so. Your CJK is adorable. Those adult 3 wheelers are dangerous. LOL. May God bless each and every one of you. Extra big hugs for John, xoxo,Susie
So glad your hero's treatments are over. Now, he can move on past those tough treatments. Unfortunately it does have bad side effects. With time, he will feel better, especially with you by his side. Continued prayers and healing thoughts. xo
Yay for the last radiation treatment!!! But I wish I could transport him in time to two weeks in the future when these hard times would be a distant memory :( Since I haven't invented time travel yet, I'll just hope the time goes quickly.
I am so sorry John isn't doing better with his treatments, glad he is through with them. Now he can start mending. Praying for you both,Diana.
How great that CJK won the bike,he looks very happy about it also!
Take care my friend,
Sylvia
I am so happy John is through his treatments. I hope he starts the healing process. Praying for dear John and the family. xoxo
I sure hope he feels better by next week. I'm continuing my prayers for y'all. And a trike for him just might be the ticket. You can ride in the basket. Love ya! Hugs!
Hugs and prayers my friend...friends.
I'm so sorry to hear he's feeling worse. I'm praying he'll start to feel relief quickly and continue to feel better each day. I'm praying for you too. As the caregiver, I'm sure you're exhausted and drained as well. On a bright note, congrats to CJK on his new wheels! How sweet that is! xoxo
Dana you are a truly remarkable lady. Under so much pressure and stress you still have a sense of humor. You are a rare one. With both of you using your inner strength and faith, things will be fine in time.
I am so glad the treatment is over. I am praying for healing, and strength, for you both. How fun for your grandson! xoxox
I'm not sure what is worse, the cancer or the treatment. I'm not altogether sure I'd put myself through it. I can't imagine the pain that he is in.
Brenda
Every time I read your posts I'm amazed at how strong you are and your sense of humor. Hang in there, Diana, John will get better. All of our prayers will see him through! Blessings to you and your lovely family!
The ugly side of cancer! I am so glad he is through the treatments, and can hopefully start to heal. Does John like music? My dad has not had cancer, but has been through back surgery, and many heart concerns this past year (they had to shock it back into rhythm this summer) and he found that listening to music helped him relax and "forget" about the pain, if only for a short time.
I adore that picture of CJK!!! He has grown so much since that awful day in the hospital. It warms my heart to see him thriving and so happy.
Hope your John is feeling better soon! Congratulations to your grandson,that's a nice bike! Love and prayers to you!
Hope your John is feeling better soon! Congratulations to your grandson,that's a nice bike! Love and prayers to you!
Thank The Lord that John has completed that terribly rough patch. Praying for tender mercies and daily improvements, healing and balm to body, mind, and spirit. There was one paragraph here that made me weep it was so well described and beautifully written. It is true that sometimes life screeches to the "just me and Him" moments. Much love to you both.
Say, that smile on the grandson's face would light up the world. Yay for him!
thanks for updating us on your hero's progress... its all awful the aftermath of the treatment,but it will get better I am sure... after Ihad my lumpectomy I had to have radio therapy, and they told me that it continued to work afterwards, and then I got all the redness and soreness and it was an awful time, but once it cleared up, all was good, so I hope it will work out the same for him... keeping our thoughts for his safe recovery and quick as it can be... all love and hugs from over the pond to you and your darling who is very verybrave I am sure!!!
Love and prayers to you all, Diana. ♥
Sending you love, hugs, and continued prayers, Diana! - xo Nellie
We are all here, rooting for y'all!!
Still praying for John. He was in the church bulletin this week so lots of others are praying also. Glad to hear the treatments are done, but what a way to end it. Things will get better as he goes along. It may not seem so now, but it really will.
Congrats to CJK on winning the bike. How cool!
Oh Diana, I am so sorry that your darling husband (and, therefore, you) is going through this nasty time. I truly hope this is short lived and that he feels better soon, even if that just means being able to swallow or sleep more peacefully. This could be any of us and his story has made me treasure the simple pleasures that we take for granted. Thank you for sharing with us. -Jenn
Hi Diana, I visited Caring Bridge this morning but wanted to stop by here too. My heart aches for you both as these days unfold. My hubby and I both pray the pain subsides soon and better days are ahead.
You didn't have the pic of the 3 wheeler or beanie hat!! Nice to see you still have your sense of humor through it all. It is a blessing! Congrats again to your grand on his win!
Blessings to you dear friend. Love and prayers sent your way!! xo
I am so sorry that you are both going through this. I hope John makes good progress and you both have some good days. Your grandson is a very lucky boy he looks really happy with his new bike bless him.
Take care Rosezeeta x
I had "leaky" eyes when reading this. It had me thinking about my sister and when she went thru her cancer last year and kept most everything to herself...coping her way with her cancer. Continued prayers for you and your hubby.
warmly,
deb
You can get those bikes at Walmart...I seriously toyed with the idea...Can't you see Mollie in the basket?? CJ is a very lucky little boy in many respects..Cute too.. So sorry John is feeling poorly..Hopefully when these treatments are over and he has some time to heal, he will feel better..Love and Hugs...
Oh, Diana, what an awful week for John...and for you. I know the worry is even without the words to describe it. I'll tell you what I'm hoping for: sometimes the very worst of feelings and pain is the bottom of the barrel, but then the upwards climb begins. Sort of like that old saying, "It's always darkest before the dawn". That's what I'm hoping for now. Tell John he has a friend all the way over in Va that is praying for him, hoping for the last of the pain, and the beginning of the perfect healing now. I never, ever, forget the both of you in my prayers at night. Sure, I'm only one person, but my prayers added to all the rest is a big deal. Remind me one day to tell you about a prayer healing -- another super big deal and it worked. We'll talk. In the meantime, I think of you SO often, wish ya'll were next door so I could help with the day to day things, and please know that I genuinely care. XOXOXO
and a PS here: on the photo of CJK, did you notice what a spittin' image he is of John? Wow, blew me away.
Tell your Hero that we all are thinking of him and praying, too! And also for his beautiful nurse who is also suffering while watching over her hero during this painful time. The little biker is such a doll! What a cute smile. Love and hugs, Cheryl
Diana, Your grandson is adorable ! I am truly sorry John has such a hard time with the treatment. Sending big hugs and prayers to the both of you.
Sorry to hear what he has had to go through. Have you thought about getting him the Bible on dvd. That way he can lay down and hear someone speak the Bible to him as he is resting. Continued prayers for you both.
Hi Diana and I'm so sorry John is feeling so badly. Bless his heart. Praying for much better days ahead for him and for you too! Love both of your positive Godly attitudes.
Blessings,
Shelia ;)
Diana your stories always move me. Your HERO is very strong and I can continue on pray. I know how hard cancer is with my mom
Seeing your grandson must be a joy.
Cindy
Oh that sounds so painful. I didn't know they could take radiation so far as to cause a person's skin to peel and bleed. I can't imagine not being able to swallow. Do you spray water in his mouth to help him with dryness? Bless his heart for coping with all of this. I can't believe CJK is that big already. What a fantastic surprise to have won that bike! Praying for God to ease his pain and that the next scans will be great!
My heart breaks for John and for you, too. I really hope that he gets some relief soon. I know he would enjoy a new bike as much as little CJK and I know you would love to put a beanie on his head. LOL One with a propeller, no doubt. ;)
Sending prayers and good wishes and of course, lots of love to all of you!
Bleeding! Oh No! I hope there will be no problems from that.
May it he heal and get his smile back and his life back on track before this struggle! Still praying for you both! So glad the little guy won a bike wow that is special!
Love to YOU, Roxy
Oh Diana, this was really hard for me to read...honestly it really hit me hard...I so wish that this was not happening to you guys! It's all too much!! I have seen the results of radiation and it's nasty what it can do...but it can get rid of the bad stuff too! It will take some time now just for the skin and throat to heal...and you are right it may get worse now before it gets better. I just pray that they can get the nausea under control - that's the biggest worry in just trying to get some well needed sleep.
Your little CJK is one lucky duck - what a great prize to win! I love the color he chose too!
I'm thinking of you lots and lots! Big Hugs and Big Prayers!! Kimberley
My prayers and concerns are with you! I am thrilled your grandson won a new bike. He will remember that! And a three wheeled bicycle...what a fun idea. I wish I lived in an area where I could have on. Too many hills and rural roads. God bless you all and continue to give you all strength.
sheila
Sending extra HUGS!
I am glad your little man won the bike. Totally fun for little guys. :-) My boys got their bikes out today. We had a high of 70 degrees!! Wow, for March. Will it last? Who knows in Wisconsin. ;-)
xx oo
Carla
Prayers and big Virtual Hugs for both of you. Such a sweet little boy on his new bike, a win he will remember.
Joy
Thanks for the update Diana....you are a tower of strength...your family is blessed to have you....so great that he won the bike!....How great are those Shriners who work tirelessly for a great cause..the children...I know, my hubby is a Shriner...Maybe at the next circus your Hero will win his three wheeler!....xoxo's sweet Diana!
CJK sure looks happy on his new bike. One of our old neighbors works at the Shriners Hospital as a nurse, hard work, big heart. Diana you have been a blessing for John and hopefully his next days will be better. Your entire family is In my prayers and thoughts.
xoxo,
Vera
This post is a such a clear representation of who you are, Diana. A woman of faith who doesn't shrink from trials, who faces them and walks through them in the Lord's strength; and who in the midst of painful circumstances is able to celebrate life by looking outside her circumstances to find the blessing in a child's happiness. Beautiful. As always you and your family are in my prayers. Hugs, Nancy
You are so right about the journey of pain being a lonely one. What an incredible insight into that difficult place you have shared. Praying for both of you Diana, that these days will be but a distant memory very soon, and that you will be able to take John to Florida for a fun getaway. CJK is just so cute in his new bike, so exciting for him to receive such a fun gift! Much love to you both, and you are always in our prayers!!!!!
Diana, I'm sorry to hear that John's having a rough week. I know how it is. And the weight loss I remember too. I lost 17lbs in one week. I couldn't eat all week. Couldn't keep anything down. Gained it right back though. I hope that the bleeding will go away. Please let us know about that. If the doctors say anything more about it, ok?
It is so great that you have the Lord, isn't it? I often wondered how people got through something like this without Him. Prayers are said here every night for the both of you.
Congrat's to CJK. Lucky guy. Love the pic :)
Take care if yourself too, Janet W big hugs
My heart aches for John. You nailed it, Diana...pain is pain. Reading anything; the bible, letters and even random novels can be so hard when we barely have the strength to hold a book. I so pray that his pain ends soon...each day must be a day closer to freedom from that. I really believe that. And I would try like crazy to convince myself of that if it were me. Hell if I couldn't! We just can't know it if we've never been through it.
I know you are in over your head at times and it really helps to keep a sense of humor and love for family members that bring you support and love. I know you have that. Bless you, dear lady. Prayers always for John.
Jane
Prayers
The last, has turned out, to be the worst.
Best wishes for him and for his caregiver.
Gentle hugs, Tessa
Diana, I do not have words . . . and that doesn't happen often, LOL.
My prayers are with you both . . . God bless.
So glad he made it through his last treatment, praying he gets to feeling better soon...then you will to.
"When peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll. WHATEVER MY LOT THOU HAS TAUGHT ME TO SAY IT IS WELL, IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL. Thank God that no matter what comes our way, we who KNOW THE LORD can say that it is well with our soul. I am so glad you and your Hero know the Lord. Not just know about Him, but know Him. This life can just pull the rug out from under us sometimes . . . bringing about things we never dreamed would happen. And you feel like you can't go on. But praise the Lord He never leaves us or forsakes us. Even when we fell so alone, we aren't alone. Remind your Hero of that on these dark days. That God is with him every moment of every day. That nothing surprises God and that nothing is too big for Him. I am praying for you both. It is well . . . . .
So so sorry for his rough week...just the thought of him on his 3 wheeler, beanie, honking the little horn, with that adorable LUCKY grandson riding right beside him would be a great inspiration.....
Prayers, blessings, smiles, hugs, kisses, and much love to all of you.
I keep thinking when I read your updates that,,," this too shall pass " I hope that times comes quickly for you and your Hero and you can both go on for many many years with the love story you wrote for yourselves..
This may seem odd to say, as I don't comment as often as many others but I think of you both often and stop to ask God to please heal and comfort both of you.. Your Hero has suffered the disease but you are also suffering a very traumatic experience for which there are no words to properly express.
What ya'll are going through has been a mighty blessing to me , in that it has opened my eyes and heart to the things which are very important and also allowed me to see all the things that aren't..
much Love and many prayers to Ya'll...
Diana, John is such a special and wonderful man. Please tell him that, would you? AND YOU ARE TOO! The stuff he and you are going through is awful, yet you hold your faith strong in your heart. This story brought tears to my eyes, and I want you to know that you are in my prayers all the time.
AND THAT BIKE - I WAS SO SURPRISED TO SEE IT! Yaaaaaaay for CJK! This brings back a special memory for me when I wanted a blue Schwinn bike one year for Christmas. My dad told me to go into the pantry outside to get some ingredient he needed for the breakfast he was making, and to my surprise there was a blue Schwinn bike waiting for me to ride! I'm so glad that your grandson got one as well.
love you, dear Diana.
~Sheri
How exciting for your grandson! That is awesome and his smile says it all! :-) Sorry to hear your husband is not feeling the best still... I'm continuing to pray for him and your family. So wish there was a way to make it better. :-( But he's so lucky to be surrounded by his family and friends during this time and have a wonderful wife by his side with an amazing sense of humor! ;-) Hope you are enjoying some warm weather.
Blessings,
Jill
This was really hard for me to read also. I have learned a lot from what you write. Will pray for you as the days approach. We have to leave it with the Lord. He is the good physician.I pray e gets feeling much better the bleeding and the soreness in his throat. Christ Jesus is in control of every need we ask. Without him. What can one do. He is the Alpha and the Omega. The bright morning Star. Redeemer. The Living Christ.
Your Grandson won a bike. How sweet is that.
Love you all. You are blessed with a loving family who can be there on the hard days.
Oh my, Diana, I am so sorry. Cancer is not pretty and those going through these intense treatments are truly brave warriors. I am glad to hear that your family is holding you both up as you continue this battle. Seeing your little grandson with that beautiful, happy smile must make your day. It is good to hear that this is the last treatment. Now the healing starts. Sending prayers and healing thoughts to your sweet John as you both go forward. xo Karen
Diana, I've been thinking of you all through this. John has gone through quite a lot with the Chemo and Radiation. That takes quite a lot out of anyone. I pray for healing and his body should hopefully recover with time from the strong treatments. I pray that will be soon and that he will build up his strength. I know you're tired too this is an exhausting emotional time. God bless you all of you. In the background but always thinking of you.
I am so sorry to hear how sick John is. It's not what you are expecting, but so true that side effects that start during either chemo or radiation will continue their course. I wish that John's medical team could make him more comfortable. It really hurts my heart that's he is suffering so much. I continue to pray for John for recovery and lessening of his pain. I pray for you, Diana, because I know how hard this must be for you.
Warm hugs,
Carol
Prayers and positive thought continue for John's comfort and recovery. Things will soon turn around and the healing will begin - a welcomed change for sure! Y'all take care of yourselves and know that you're never really alone, John. We are all here to encourage you to get better! Love and Hugs, Leena
Diana, I am sooo praying that your husband gets to feeling better soon. I can only imagine everything you guys are going through. I am sending you lots of love and prayers. Stay strong dear friend. xoxo Maria
What a horrible time! Prayers continue as you walk this path together...it is just as hard to be the caregiver and the patient. The aloneness I'm sure follows you too....
Prayers for added strength and spiritual nourishment .....for both of you.
Love
Nancy
Oh a new bike is just the thing! I'm praying for you.
It so good to hear that John's radiation is over and hope he will soon feel better. Continued prayers for him and you, too.
"The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of us but those who win battles we know nothing about." John is already victorious in more battles than anyone will ever know. I am so glad he as family and loved ones to stand as close to him as they can while he continues to fight. Bless you all.
Love,
Lily
Diana, you know my heart is with you and your family... you all need a little relief and peace xox
Di, lights still on and shining brightly every day for you two. Thoughts and prayers turn towards you each morning and night with the knowledge that one day all will be well again with your souls and my lights will no longer need to shine as prayers will be answered for you.
You and your family have been in my prayers everyday. I truly hope John gets over this tall hurdle soon. Congratulations to your grandson. His beautiful smile says it all!
Oh gosh :( I'm so sorry you are going through this and John is suffering so much :( Strength can only be used here and lots of love and compassion which you clearly have. Radiation makes you feel awful since it's killing off everything inside, so it really is no wonder he feels so ill, I just hope he starts to feel a bit better soon. Stay strong, both of you!
Raindrops of Sapphire
Oh, Diana ... my heart aches for you both.
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