Get your coffee---this is a long one.
Plus, coffee will give you something
to spit out your nose when you
laugh-
Now I know-
YOU ALL have perfect marriages,
perfect husbands,
perfect understandings.
There is never a raised voice
in your house.
There is never a smoldering
resentment because
SOMEONE
doesn't listen.
I know that YOU have a marriage
like that.
okay-
I also know that
MOST OF YOU
are big fat liars...
okay...not FAT...but liars.
Let me tell you about
OUR LATEST SNAFU.
Most years since we have been
on the Bay MyHero has
cleared an ice rink for
the kids.
It is quite a trek down to the
Bay for the kids and you
have to go around the rocks.
I suggested that
MyHero put the skating rink
in our back yard being
as it is big, pretty level
and close to the patio
and lower bathroom.
No...He says....No!
Me:Fine, I say (not really meaning it).
I look out several days
later and he is pushing snow
around in the backyard.
Me:WHAT ARE YOU DOING
MAKING AN ICE RINK?
I yell (because he can't hear
outside-not because I am mad)
Him:Never Mind- floats back on the wind
Me:Well...If you ARE building an
ice rink you need to EDGE it
with something--AND--DON'T
MAKE IT SO BIG!!!!
Him:NEVER MIND...comes back
at me.
Me: OKAY--BUT I AM JUST TELLING
YOU-YOU HAVE TO LINE THE
YOU-YOU HAVE TO LINE THE
PERIMETER WITH SOMETHING-AND
MAKE IT ABOUT HALF THAT SIZE!
Him: NEVER MIND I SAID!!!!!!
Allrighty then.
Too bad SOMEONE can't hear the door
slam behind me because the tractor
is running. Where is the satisfaction
in THAT? A silent door slam...pfttttttt.
So...the SIDES are in place-
SNOW SIDES!
SOMEONE gets the hose out
and the METERED WATER starts
running....and runs....and runs....and runs....
It runs for 72 hours...
Now it looks like THIS!
Let's run the water another 48 hours
just for fun.
Hmmmmm....still not skate ready.
Let's go rent a
BIG PUMP and pump water
out of the Bay and fill
that sucker up.
Me: You should have added a
barrier around the perimeter.
Him: Why don't you just go do
something else and shut up about it?
Me: Well, I'm just sayin'.......
Him: I DON'T NEED YOU TO
TELL ME THAT ONE MORE TIME!
TELL ME THAT ONE MORE TIME!
Me: OKAY!!!!!....(walking away and
mumbling to myself- (Well, if you'd listened
to me in the first place we coulda been
skating by now)
Him: WHAT? WHAT? YOU KNOW
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!!
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!!
(he really IS deaf in one ear)
Me: I didn't say ANYTHING anyway.
(Liar, Liar-God is gonna get me)
Okay- Now we are running the
BIG PUMP with BAY WATER
for several hours.
Here is how it looks now.
Notice the two off to the side
"discussing" the situation.
Me: Ummm...Say Jethro (remember the Beverly Hillbillies)...Whacha thinkin'?
Someone fails to see the humor in
ANY of my comments.
Me: Hey Boys- I'm thinking he should have put a
barrier around the perimeter.
Son#2: Mom- Just let it go, okay?
Me: (walking away)...Well....I ..um... was just gonna say...........
Wait! Wait!
What is THIS I see?
SOMEONE is taking his tractor
and heading off into the distance..
Me to myself- Don't go away mad-
just go away, okay?
An hour or so later I look out towards
the bay. The sun is setting
What is THAT I see?
A failed rink in front of a
REAL ICE RINK.
ummmm...Did you notice it is about
HALF the size of the one in the yard?
Just sayin'....
Me: That looks good!
Him: (heatedly) I should never have listened to YOU in the first place about
putting it in the yard!
Me: (icily) I'm going for a Starbucks!
(where my humor AND MONEY are both appreciated-hmmm-I wonder how many
Starbucks dollars are laying out there in
useless groundwater)
Starbucks dollars are laying out there in
useless groundwater)
Anyway.....
My New Year's Resolution?
I am never gonna tell him what to do again
and I am not even going to LOOK at the
water bill when it comes in.
and I am not even going to LOOK at the
water bill when it comes in.
Don't you just love REAL LIFE?
