There's Ice Inside Our House

Get your coffee---this is a long one.

Plus, coffee will give you something

to spit out your nose when you

laugh-

Now I know-

YOU ALL have perfect marriages,

perfect husbands,

perfect understandings.

There is never a raised voice

in your house.

There is never a smoldering

resentment because 

SOMEONE

doesn't listen.

I know that YOU have a marriage

like that.

okay-

I also know that 

MOST OF YOU

are big fat liars...

okay...not FAT...but liars.

Let me tell you about 

OUR LATEST SNAFU.

Most years since we have been

on the Bay MyHero has

cleared an ice rink for 

the kids.

It is quite a trek down to the

Bay for the kids and you

have to go around the rocks.

I suggested that 

MyHero put the skating rink

in our back yard being

as it is big, pretty level

and close to the patio

and lower bathroom.

No...He says....No!

Me:Fine, I say (not really meaning it).

I look out several days

later and he is pushing snow

around in the backyard.

Me:WHAT ARE YOU DOING

MAKING AN ICE RINK?

I yell (because he can't hear

outside-not because I am mad)

Him:Never Mind- floats back on the wind

Me:Well...If you ARE building an

ice rink you need to EDGE it

with something--AND--DON'T

MAKE IT SO BIG!!!!

Him:NEVER MIND...comes back

at me.

Me: OKAY--BUT I AM JUST TELLING
YOU-YOU HAVE TO LINE THE

PERIMETER WITH SOMETHING-AND

MAKE IT ABOUT HALF THAT SIZE!

Him: NEVER MIND I SAID!!!!!!

Allrighty then.

Too bad SOMEONE can't hear the door

slam behind me because the tractor

is running. Where is the satisfaction

in THAT?  A silent door slam...pfttttttt.

So...the SIDES are in place-

SNOW SIDES!

SOMEONE gets the hose out

and the METERED WATER starts

running....and runs....and runs....and runs....

It runs for 72 hours...

Now it looks like THIS!

Let's run the water another 48 hours

just for fun.

Hmmmmm....still  not skate ready.

Let's go rent a 

BIG PUMP and pump water

out of the Bay and fill

that sucker up.

Me:  You should have added a

barrier around the perimeter.

Him:  Why don't you just go do

something else and shut up about it?

Me:  Well, I'm just sayin'.......

Him:  I DON'T NEED YOU TO
TELL ME THAT ONE MORE TIME!

Me:  OKAY!!!!!....(walking away and 

mumbling to myself- (Well, if you'd listened

to me in the first place we coulda been

skating by now)

Him:  WHAT?  WHAT?  YOU KNOW
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!!

(he really IS deaf in one ear)

Me:  I didn't say ANYTHING anyway.

(Liar, Liar-God is gonna get me)

Okay- Now we are running the

BIG PUMP with BAY WATER

for several hours.

Here is how it looks now.

Notice the two off to the side

"discussing" the situation.

Me: Ummm...Say Jethro (remember the Beverly Hillbillies)...Whacha thinkin'?

Someone fails to see the humor in

ANY of my comments.

Me: Hey Boys- I'm thinking he should have put a

barrier around the perimeter.

Son#2:  Mom- Just let it go, okay?

Me: (walking away)...Well....I ..um... was just gonna say...........

Wait!  Wait!

What is THIS I see?

SOMEONE is taking his tractor 

and heading off into the distance..

Me to myself- Don't go away mad-

just go away, okay?

An hour or so later I look out towards

the bay.  The sun is setting

What is THAT I see?

A failed rink in front of a

REAL ICE RINK.

ummmm...Did you notice it is about

HALF the size of the one in the yard?

Just sayin'....

Me:  That looks good!

Him: (heatedly) I should never have listened to YOU in the first place about 

putting it in the yard!

Me: (icily) I'm going for a Starbucks!

(where my humor AND MONEY are both appreciated-hmmm-I wonder how many 
Starbucks dollars are laying out there in
useless groundwater)

Anyway.....

My New Year's Resolution?

I am never gonna tell him what to do again
and I am not even going to LOOK at the
water bill when it comes in.

Don't you just love REAL LIFE?