Tuesday, January 8, 2013

There's Ice Inside Our House

Get your coffee---this is a long one.
Plus, coffee will give you something
to spit out your nose when you
laugh-

Now I know-
YOU ALL have perfect marriages,
perfect husbands,
perfect understandings.
There is never a raised voice
in your house.
There is never a smoldering
resentment because 
SOMEONE
doesn't listen.
I know that YOU have a marriage
like that.
okay-
I also know that 
MOST OF YOU
are big fat liars...
okay...not FAT...but liars.
Let me tell you about 
OUR LATEST SNAFU.

Most years since we have been
on the Bay MyHero has
cleared an ice rink for 
the kids.

It is quite a trek down to the
Bay for the kids and you
have to go around the rocks.
I suggested that 
MyHero put the skating rink
in our back yard being
as it is big, pretty level
and close to the patio
and lower bathroom.
No...He says....No!
Me:Fine, I say (not really meaning it).
I look out several days
later and he is pushing snow
around in the backyard.
Me:WHAT ARE YOU DOING
MAKING AN ICE RINK?
I yell (because he can't hear
outside-not because I am mad)
Him:Never Mind- floats back on the wind
Me:Well...If you ARE building an
ice rink you need to EDGE it
with something--AND--DON'T
MAKE IT SO BIG!!!!
Him:NEVER MIND...comes back
at me.
Me: OKAY--BUT I AM JUST TELLING
YOU-YOU HAVE TO LINE THE
PERIMETER WITH SOMETHING-AND
MAKE IT ABOUT HALF THAT SIZE!
Him: NEVER MIND I SAID!!!!!!
Allrighty then.
Too bad SOMEONE can't hear the door
slam behind me because the tractor
is running. Where is the satisfaction
in THAT?  A silent door slam...pfttttttt.

So...the SIDES are in place-
SNOW SIDES!
SOMEONE gets the hose out
and the METERED WATER starts
running....and runs....and runs....and runs....
It runs for 72 hours...
Now it looks like THIS!
Let's run the water another 48 hours
just for fun.
Hmmmmm....still  not skate ready.
Let's go rent a 
BIG PUMP and pump water
out of the Bay and fill
that sucker up.
Me:  You should have added a
barrier around the perimeter.
Him:  Why don't you just go do
something else and shut up about it?
Me:  Well, I'm just sayin'.......
Him:  I DON'T NEED YOU TO
TELL ME THAT ONE MORE TIME!
Me:  OKAY!!!!!....(walking away and 
mumbling to myself- (Well, if you'd listened
to me in the first place we coulda been
skating by now)
Him:  WHAT?  WHAT?  YOU KNOW
I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!!
(he really IS deaf in one ear)
Me:  I didn't say ANYTHING anyway.
(Liar, Liar-God is gonna get me)

Okay- Now we are running the
BIG PUMP with BAY WATER
for several hours.
Here is how it looks now.
Notice the two off to the side
"discussing" the situation.
Me: Ummm...Say Jethro (remember the Beverly Hillbillies)...Whacha thinkin'?
Someone fails to see the humor in
ANY of my comments.
Me: Hey Boys- I'm thinking he should have put a
barrier around the perimeter.
Son#2:  Mom- Just let it go, okay?
Me: (walking away)...Well....I ..um... was just gonna say...........
Wait!  Wait!
What is THIS I see?
SOMEONE is taking his tractor 
and heading off into the distance..
Me to myself- Don't go away mad-
just go away, okay?
An hour or so later I look out towards
the bay.  The sun is setting
What is THAT I see?
A failed rink in front of a
REAL ICE RINK.
ummmm...Did you notice it is about
HALF the size of the one in the yard?
Just sayin'....
Me:  That looks good!
Him: (heatedly) I should never have listened to YOU in the first place about 
putting it in the yard!
Me: (icily) I'm going for a Starbucks!
(where my humor AND MONEY are both appreciated-hmmm-I wonder how many 
Starbucks dollars are laying out there in
useless groundwater)
Anyway.....
My New Year's Resolution?
I am never gonna tell him what to do again
and I am not even going to LOOK at the
water bill when it comes in.

Don't you just love REAL LIFE?

71 comments:

  1. You know I'm loving this post. My husband's been constantly researching ways to improve his little ice rink. We're in a thaw this week. Our lovely rink is going to be a puddle but that will give him time to "work" on it a bit more. Cheers! I'm raising my coffee mug to you both!

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  2. Yep, we all have perfect marriages, don't we, Diana! Sure wish that I had brewed my coffee for this one! Renting a pump? That is just too hilarious! Be sure not to open that water bill when it comes!!

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  3. LMAO - well that sounds like a very familiar conversation to me anyway!
    Better start brewing your own coffee Diana - that's going to be one LARGE bill!
    Next post I want to see pics of you skating around there like Barbara Ann
    Scott lol
    XXX

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  4. Oh and dressed like her too please!!!

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  5. You know, this would never happen at MY house. Want to know why? My guy would never take a hint and head out there to do it anyway! He would still be on the couch. I hope you get enough snow to cover the patch up in the yard. LOL
    Now- go back to bed.

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  6. I can relate to this in so many ways. This past weekend alone I can count 2 different times my husband didn't listen to me when I was of course right. I'm still not sure how I managed to avoid the words I told you so. Maybe as I get older the satisfaction of knowing I was right and he was wrong will be enough? Yeah, I doubt it too.

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  7. LOL!! Well he did try!
    This reminds me do our attempt to make a rink in our yard when we first moved up here! We made a rink edged with snow (didn't know to make an edge with something else :-)
    Ours was so lumpy it was murder to skate on! We didn't have a tractor with a blade so we did it with shovels. No water bill to worry about but now that I think about it we did run a ton of water for it!

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  8. LOL! Real life at its best.

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  9. Funny stuff! And yep, I can also relate! WHY are they so hard-headed anyway? Don't get me started... LOL!

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  10. HA! A true marriage story. Love it!

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  11. Good Morning Diana, You have started my day with a chuckle. Men just don't want to admit that women are right sometimes. If you do look at the bill when you get it, please be sitting down first so you don't collapse in shock. Have a wonderful day and I am off to work. Hugs and Prayers from your Missouri Friend

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  12. That is what true love is about:)

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  13. I thought the HUGE rink was a good idea. You could invite the hockey team over for practice.

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  14. LOL!! Having the weekend I had you definitely put a smile on my face this morning Diana!! Kinda sounds like my house (insert BIG smile)!!

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  15. PS-- Don't they know by now we're always right!! (insert another BIG smile)!

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  16. I check in here everyday just for my morning funny... : )
    I can relate, but after 38 yrs. am learning just to keep my mouth shut...
    I have a pillow, prominently displayed in the living room that says, " I knew I married Mr. Right, I just didn't know his 1st name was ALWAYS" : )
    & Please post some pics of the rink being used...
    Now go to Starbucks, get a good cup of coffee & say to yourself... "I tried"

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  17. LOL Yes, real life! Is there another kind I don't know about? LOL Your conversation sounds so familiar. Have you been listening to what goes on in our house? Take a deep breath and do NOT look at that water bill when it arrives!

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  18. I declare this the best post of 2013 and its only January 8. Love it...Hugs

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  19. You are a HOOT! Made my morning sweetie, I laughed so hard it was like I was there with you!!!

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  20. Oh, wish I was...LOVE Starbucks and I would so enjoy getting a cup with you :)

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  21. oh my, I just knew there was going to be trouble! Looks great though Such a beautiful shot!

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  22. Diana, I am amazed the water company hasn't been to your house already. Around here , if water useage is too high, they will say something on the bill about looking for leaks. You need to draw up plans for your Hero next time.:):) The new rink looks nice though...bet the kids can't wait to play.:):)xoxo,Susie

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  23. Oh Diana, My husband says to me"don't you ever get tired of being right?" I say, no and you should be used to it by now. :):)xo,Susie

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  24. Remember what I said about being smart and common sense. Oh I bet you were steaming. Funny story though.

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  25. Haha, oh Diane, that's classic.

    Men. they're hard headed and tell us we are thus.

    Well, glad the story had a happy ending - well, two, actually: a nice ice rink close to the bathrooma nd away from dangerous rocks...and you with a piping hot and well deserved yummy Starbucks.

    Life is good.....eventually.

    GREAT "keeping it real" story!

    Hugs.

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  26. Oh my lord......I have some Bailey's to go with that Starbucks! I'm going to write a post later that {might} rival this one. Might.

    xo,
    RJ

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  27. Funny post! the thought was nice though! My husband would never listen to any of my ideas!

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  28. Me Thinks you've been listening at our conversations too long. No ice rink, but we had a similar discussion about taking down the canopy and frame that got collapsed in the heavy snow 2 weeks ago....And you are never right, no matter. They'll twist it around until they get it the way they want it.

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  29. Well, I am one of the few that does not have a husband or anyone to boss around or ask them to do something. Your skating rink - how fun for the kids.

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  30. I'm a perfect husband. If you don't believe me ask my wife (especially when she's sedated).

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  31. Diana, yes I do love the real life. This story sounds so much like some in my life!! LOL
    LOL you really got me laughing all the way to the end. When will men learn to listen??
    Hope the water bill is not toooo bad!!
    Going to get a cup of coffee in a Starbucks cup we got for Christmas!
    Oh I'm still LOL Have a wonderful day!!
    XO CM

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  32. As disappointed as the NHL will be that you've had to go with a smaller rink, at least you can skate now. Even though I'm single, I still have to deal with men who will not listen to my "don't you think" or "this will be a problem if" suggestions. I can't even yell at them, when they do stupid stuff, because they're not my husband and they think they are being helpful.

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  33. Aww, sorry it didn't work out, but I'm just in awe of having your own private ice rink...small or large! Our creeks used to freeze up enough to skate on, but not for many years now. Enjoy your one ice rink for me please, and your Starbucks! :)

    Kat

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  34. Thank you for sharing this! I needed some good laughs and I feel so much better knowing that these things happen in other families too.

    Come on, admit it. You know you were thinking, "I told you so" even if you didn't say it out loud.

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  35. LOL Every household for sure...we go through this all the time...this was so funny!!! :)

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  36. This is hilarious! I wish I was up there to see it.
    When we returned to WI last spring (as you recall we had no rain), we had to water like crazy to keep everything alive. After having been gone during the winter and using NO water, after a few days the Utility company called to ask if we had a LEAK, that they noticed such a jump in water usage! I feel your water pain!!!! :)

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  37. the "real" ice rink looks lovely. keeping it real

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  38. Sooo, Ellie Mae... has anyone skated on it yet?... how fun that would be!!!... love you!... xoxo Julie Marie

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  39. Haha!!! I think our husbands are twins separated at birth. When we first married, I came home one time to find our ski boat filled with hot water cause I mentioned a hot tub!!!!

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  40. I still don't think separating our husbands at the brain was a good idea Diana! But their mother insisted. Now look what we are left with....
    At least you got the smarter one.

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  41. You would think us women would learn.....as my husband would say-"I know what I am doing-leave me alone"! My condolences on the water bill....Roxie

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  42. Diana, that is the BEST! (You sure know how to tell a story! :)
    Thanks for the laugh-sorry it was at your expense! God love 'em, they try...good thing there's not too much that a Starbucks latte won't fix ;)
    Susan

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  43. Husbands -- gotta love 'em. The lake rink looks perfect!

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  44. Thanks for the laughs Diana!
    I've got one that's pretty stubborn too. Seems the more I "suggest" things the least likely he is to do it.

    Oh well, at least now you have a wonderful ice rink. That's very cool. I love it.

    hugs
    Sissie

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  45. Does he read your blog...You are going to be in so much trouble....For what you ask? Being right, now how much sense does that make. Well, the kids ought to like their nice "Little" rink". BTW, my dad made a rink every year, but he would line it with a real heavy black plastic, and build up the sides...A little water and magic...Rink!

    Carol

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  46. Laughing here, Diana, though I really can't relate to the ice rink experience. That isn't something that is even remotely possible in our climate, even if we have a bit of snow in the winter. Hopefully the "January thaw" will not ruin your fun!
    xo Nellie

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  47. hahahahaha...loved it from beginning to end, and I don't know about all your perfect bloggy neighbors but this scenario sure sounds very familiar to me (minus the ice in Florida) but familiar nonetheless. ;) LOVE that resolution of yours. Do come by the shop and tell me how many days into the year it lasts. ;) But if it does, do come by the shop anyhow to tell me your secret. ;)
    Happy New Year, Diana.
    XOXO's,
    Marcia

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  48. Good luck keeping that resolution..Love the story..Been there ..done that

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  49. OMGoodness!!!! So SUPER hilarious!!! You need your own Reality show!! : )
    Angelina

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  50. My husband rarely listens to me either. He will even ask my opinion, I give it, and then he points out everything he doesn't agree with about MY opinion. I swear I don't think men and women were meant to live together. This was priceless Diana...have fun ice skating. :o)

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  51. LOL now that was a train wreck wasn't it! My brother put a rink in there yard.It seemed to go okay.Although I was not there during the process LOL!
    xx
    Anne

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  52. Oh Diana, I don't know whether to laugh or cry...all that metered water, and all of that work. But you told the story perfectly.

    I hope himself is talking to you still.

    Jen

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  53. bahahahaha!!!! What is it with men??? They will never in a million years admit they are wrong. hope you enjoyed your Starbucks :)

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  54. When will they learn that we are always right? :O) This story was so funny...because it's so true that men don't listen to us! By the way I love your back yard! what a view!!!!!

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  55. Well this was fun! hahaha! I was going to listen to what my hubby said this year. Today I did something he had just said I shouldn't do....my New Year's resolution lasted...let's see...about a week! heeheehee! I'll blog about what I bought tomorrow so you'll know...the rest of the story! lol

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  56. Now this is a winter wonderland! Still chuckling about your story, Diana. Never a dull moment!

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  57. If only men would take a hint, that the wife is usually RIGHT and say, "Yes Dear!", and do it her way, his life would be oh soooooo sweet and uncomplicated. LOL...LOL...I really think you have been listening to Richard and my conversations...we have very passionate discussions.
    What is chrome google...where do I get it...how do I use it....
    A FUNNY POST BUT REAL LIFE.
    HUGS

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  58. Diana.
    Oh my, it sounds like you deserved that Starbucks
    I don't understand why men never listen to us, we could save them so much wasted time! We have the answer for just about any problem that arises. You know we do!
    I'm just glad there hasn't been any flies on the wall in this house since hubby and I started our kitchen project. It was all not pretty...

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  59. LOL! You are so funny, Diana! I can't imagine having your very own ice rink, especially here in CA!

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  60. Oh, Diana....I am chuckling at your plight. Of course, my husband is perfect and we never argue over such silly things....NOT!!!! The first argument my hubs and I ever had was over whether we should grate or slice the cheese for grilled cheese sandwiches. Talk about "choosing our battles"! It's funny because 27 years later we don't remember who wanted grated and who wanted sliced.
    It's comforting to know that Mark and I aren't the only ones who bump heads over the really important things in life.
    Blessings and warm hugs, my darling friend!
    Carolynn xxx
    No baby...Just praying for the right timing.

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  61. Thankfully I wasn't drinking anything else it would have spewed out and about. Been there more than a few times with The Man. Different circumstances. Same argument.

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  62. What a lovely story. I think this happens at our house about once a month. At least you have snow! We haven't had any....since last winter...no accumulation whatsoever. Just a dusting that melted by 1 pm. It's the longest stretch the Chicago area has ever gone without any snow on the ground. So weird. My kids are mad!

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  63. Been there done that!!! Men are STUBBORN!!!!!!!...

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  64. ugh... how frustrating when ideas and situations just don't go as planned and minds don't connect. Real life for sure. One of those bumps that we get over... with a little help from Starbucks :)

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  65. This was a riot! But I got confused at the end. Did your son end up making that smaller one like you suggested from the beginning?

    So glad I found your blog!

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  66. Don't you just love it when you know that they know you were RIGHT?????

    I had an older lady tell me before we got married that the best way to get your way is to manage to get HIM to think your idea was HIS idea! Oh she was so smart!

    I've pretty much given up telling the hubby what to do anymore. Doesn't do any good for me. Jokingly (I think) he has told me that I am on a need to know basis and I really don't need to know!

    MEN...

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  67. yep..but I still love my husband even those rarest of times when I am wrong.

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  68. Diana, I laughed so hard when I read this.. because after 30 years of marriage.. I CAN relate. In addition, I work for male doctors that all believe they are one step below the almighty! We still love them though .. no matter what Lol!!

    Hope you enjoyed the Starbucks!

    xxleslie

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  69. This is so stinkin' cute...and, boy, can I relate to the whole scene.
    hahhhaaa.....too cute.

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  70. Ruh roh! Seems that the old ice rink idea didn't work out so well, eh? You're right though - putting something around the edge would have kept the water from spreading out all over the place and would have used less water, but don't tell him I said that. I don't want him driving his tractor to VA to yell at me LOL! Hope that the smaller ice rink is being enjoyed! Hugs, Leena

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