Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Bob-Remember Bob?

This is SweetCheeks taken
about a year ago.
She is sitting next to her
'visable friend, Bob.Bob was quite the character,
as we understood him.
Sometimes he was her
older friend.
Sometimes he was her "baby".
Sometimes he was just
BOB.
SweetCheeks often had long
conversations with him
on her "phone".
She would tell him to pick
up mulhk on his way home from work...
and then scold him when he got
there for buying a candy bar
for himself and forgetting the mulhk.
SweetCheeks used to tell
us how naughty Bob was.
One time he ate all
the Junior Mints.
When I aksed her who did it
she said that BOB did it.
An' now hims takin' a time out
wright now oveah on the timhe out step.
(You remember, the third one from
the bottom where we can SEE him..
NOT the third one from the top).
The other day I realized that
Bob hadn't been around in a
while.
Where's Bob? I asked.
Him's Dead!
What?
Yup! Him's Dead and
iss in the ground.
Oh No!
Where's Bob's friend, Deed?
Hims' Dead too!
And Rainbow?
Hers gone!
Gone where?
Hers Dead too,
you silly goose.
Poor Bob, Poor Deed,
Poor Rainbow..
They have faded
into the never-never
land of a child's imagination.
I will miss them.
They were a lot of fun.
But- I think there might be
just a spot of fun left.
SweetCheeks informed me that..
Rainbow hass a sistuh..and hers
is REALLY naughty!
Great! Can't wait to meet hers!

Monday, November 29, 2010

Magazine Mockery~It's A Jungle Out There

OyI say, Lilleth,
OyI'm glad you finally caught up with me.
Hold that 'brella here for a mohment.
Now~Take a look-see.
Looks like a tiny torso
and legs.
Whut do you s'pose happened?
OyI came upon a bunch of natives
dancin' round 'bout this porcelain sink.
OyI asked them..
What 'tis that..and how did it come
to be here?
They said some great
big Amazon of a woman
came in to set up camp~
and toted in all these fineries.
They decided to befriend her and gave
her a bit of their joo-joo juice..
which seemed to cause some
sort of horrible reaction.
They ran away and when they came
back she had thrown herself
across this and died.
'Tis now a sacred altar.
They said to wait right here
while they went to bring
us back a welcoming feast.
If you look real close, darling,
in the trees behind us
you will see a small, little
woman's head dangling there.
At least that's what OyI think it tis.
Perhaps we should leave
before they come back.
Whut say you?
Midwest Living- Kohler Ad

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Birthdays, Barbie & Blessings

This is MamasBoy
and his niece
SweetCheeks.
You do remember them don't you?
Their birthdays are only a few days apart..
So, we celebrated them both at our
Thanksgiving gathering.
I think most of you will
remember that MamasBoy is
an idiot entertainer--
and laughs are his pay.
He showed up wearing an outfit
his Dad would have worn in the
1970's and proceeded to speak
with a Polish accent all night..
Yeah..so funny you want to beat
him with a stick laugh right
out loud.
His sister, Mimi made the cake.
The front is a Barbie Doll
and the back cake is a guitar.
See what I mean?
The whole family is nuts.
Before cake we had to open gifts.
MamasBoy couldn't wait for SweetCheeks
to open hers first...
So he opened his!
He got a leg lamp.
His wife was more than thrilled.
He wants to put it on their mantle.
She wants to shove it up the giver's nose
put it in the closet.
SweetCheeks got her first Barbie.
Neither of the other girls are interested
in Barbie..but SweetCheeks likes her
for her Princess Qualities.
Little SweetCheeks loved her Barbie Cake.
Uncle MamasBoy blew the candles out
about 15 times before SweetCheeks got
a chance to blow them out. She didn't
know whether to laugh at him....or cry...
The laughter won out.As soon as the candle was out
MamasBoy yanked Barbie from her skirt.
Gasp...He handed her to SweetCheeks.
Here-he said...lick her dress off.
SweetCheeks started giggling.
Come On SweetCheeks-
Lick Barbie's dress off..
Noah-yoah is cwrazy Uncle MamasBoy
an yoah isss nott funny efther!
Then why are you laughing? Look-you CAN eat it...try it...
Hmmmm...she's thinking about it!There-See! How is it?
Does it taste good, SweetCheeks?
Yoah know whut it tastestes lwike?
Nope!
It tastestes lwike a icing dwress!
An now I gonna eat it all!That was almost the best part of the night.
However, to me, the best part was watching
our son-in-law, TheIslandScout, drop down
on the almost empty four person couch.
He sat right next to MyHero,
up close and personal.
MyHero does not like other
MALES invading his space.
TheIslandScout snuggled up tight.
It was a picture not to be missed.

Now doesn't that just bless your heart?

Saturday, November 27, 2010

We're Staying Over~ Right??

The Trio has come
to spend the
day.
We have cleaned out the playhouse
and now it is time to
help Papa
tidy up the lawn.
Hmmmm...Are you sure that
meets all child safety
requirements?
Papa!
Papa?
PPPPPPAAAAAAAAAPAAAAAAAAAAA!
BE CAREFUL WITH THOSE
KIDS ON THERE!
GEEZZZ!
They're fine- You worry too much..
Unh-huh--It's all fun
and games
til somebody gets their
eye poked out with a stick...
or worse....
falls off the tractor and
gets run over by the wagon.
Just Be Careful!
Yeah..yeah..yeah..
They soon discover it is too cold to play outside.
They troop into the house
and decide to watch a movie.
And, here it comes..
The question of the day~
We're staying over, right?
*sigh*
Right?
The sucker light on my forehead starts
blinking...
We'll see!
(and y'all know what THAT means-doncha?
Yes! That's a yes..of course it is)
It takes 26 argumentative minutes to pick
a movie.
Because SOMEONE wants to watch
The Whizard of Hoz for the
575th time.
And SOMEONE ELSE wants to
watch
Shirley Temple (can you believe that)
Shirley Temple as Heidi and Lulu
still loves it?
That kid has good taste.
Finally, finally, we decide to watch
for the 5,362 time....We know all the words by heart.
Beautiful Ria must put on her best gown
to watch this movie..
and spinning is part of the
fun.SweetCheeks is looking a little woe-be-gone.
Whatever is the matter, SweetCheeks?Sadly, the words fall from her lips..
My shoes doan't mhatch my dwress!
That's okay, SweetCheeks..
No one will notice.
Yes! Yess! They will!
Ih'll notice, Nana.~
And 'sides that..loook...
Cinduhrulla's face falled off and
now my shoes is whrecked.
Oh My! I'll fix them later.
Pwromise?
Yep! I promise!
Blasted stinking shoes that cost as much as
a regular pair and fall apart on a whim!
The movie is playing loud
and clear..
They just HAD to watch a movie.
Here's what the girls are doing..
whilst the movie is playing..
SweetCheeks is reading her
Rainbow Book...Ria has changed into her pjs.
and is eating her hand...and Lulu has changed into her pjs
is engrossed in computerland.The movie is over..
I make them take their baths...
(which they were supposed to do
BEFORE they put their pjs on)
and off they go...
each to their own bed.
This is CuddlyThis is Drooly..
And this is Messy MilkHead...
The morning finds them like magic...
all in one big bed..
in the upstairs guest room...
waking up while Nana
makes her coffee.
(Look how BIG Messy Milkhead looks)
Must be a camera trick The coffee is brewing

and the Three Bears Cereal is cooking

and soon they will come down the steps

with sleepy smiles and good morning kisses.

Do you suppose that someday
someday..
they will remember
waking up in a big bed at Nana's house,
smelling coffee brewing...
and oatmeal cooking..
and know how
much they are loved?
I hope so!

Friday, November 26, 2010

A Different Kind Of Christmas Story

What fun to have kids around at Christmas.
There is nothing more fun than watching
the excitment a little one feels when
they finally "get" Christmas.
But, because the real reason for Christmas
sometimes gets lost in the overwhelming
outpouring of gifts from Santa...
I have a tradition that
I would like to share with you.
This was not my idea..
but something
my daughter, TPot,
does with her children,
her three little daughters,
Lulu, Ria & SweetCheeks.
She does this because
she doesn't want them
consumed with the idea
that Christmas is all about
Santa and presents...
lots and lots of presents.
Presents that
they don't need.
Presents that are there
just to fill every space
under the tree.

The year Lulu was born
she started this tradition...
They each get 3 Santa gifts.
It is something they want..
but can be as simple as
a hula hoop...
or as intriguing as a guitar.

Here is how it happens here.
Come Christmas morning
everyone gathers round the tree
and Mama reads
a simple child's version
of the Christmas story.

When they get to the part
where the 3 Wise Men
come to the stable
(each bringing a gift)
each child goes and finds
their 3 Santa presents
under the tree.

They come back to sit
next to Mom and
then she reads
the rest of the story
of Bethlehem.
Then, and only then,
the opening fun begins.

Of course, they get gifts
from grandparents
and aunts and uncles, too,
as the day goes on...
but I thought this
is a very
special thing to do.

Now, as you can see,
here is SweetCheeks,
last year...in one of
Nana's special gifts!
It has been used for
great entertainment..
and if you want a
REALLY GOOD LAUGH
you can read about that

I promise it will bring a
smile to the surliest face.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving!

The Blue Bowl



All day I did the little things,

The little things that do not show;

I brought the kindling for the fire

I set the candles in a row.

I filled a bowl with marigolds,

The shallow bowl you love the best-

And made the house a pleasant place

Where weariness might take a rest.

The hours sped on, my eager feet

Could not keep pace with my desire.

So much to do, so little time,

Yet, when the coming of the night

Blotted the garden from my sight.

And on the narrow, graveled walks

Between the guarding flower stalks

I heard your step; I was not through

With services I meant for you.

You came into the quiet room

That glowed enchanted with the bloom

Of yellow flame. I saw your face,

Illumined by the firelit space,

Slowly grow still and comforted-

"It's good to be home, " you said.

Blanche Bane Kuder

May each of you have a warm, comforting place to call home

for the Holiday.

Diana

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Magazine Mockery~The Speedo

So, I was watching this old
couple out on the beach there
and she was yammering on and on
about something.
Obviously he was hard of
hearing because she was shouting.
He finally stopped walking
until she could catch up.
And then...
And then she said..
Oh- I can hardly stand it..
She said,
Herbert! If you don't take
that conch shell out of the front
of your swim trunks
people are going to start pointing
and laughing.
You know what he said?
Let 'em!

Viewfinders Ad- Coastal Living

To the Advertiser-If you would like your ad reomved from here-please notify me.

Monday, November 22, 2010

LET THE SHOW BEGIN!

I did a post about this
early on--when I first started posting..
but..because I am going to
talk about a special
Christmas tradition tomorrow..
I wanted to acquaint some of my
new readers with this first.
You have never seen a show
quite like a show
performed by
the one
the only
SWEETCHEEKS!
This happened about 9 months ago..
and is as funny today
as it was then.
SweetCheeks is a performer of
extra-ordinary talent. It's a lot like
pay-per-view except she is
a lot more expensive.
Her best performances are usually
preceded by the words..
"Hey, guys..wanna see sumthin'?
(as if we had a choice)
She got the stunning new outfit you
see above for Christmas last year.
It seems to fit her personality
which runs from flamboyant
to downright outrageous.
And, although she likes to pretend
she is a princess..
she is much better as her
own character.
Take a seat, ladies and gentlemen,
the show is about to begin.
This entails lining up on the couch
in our assigned seats.
We always have to leave a space
(or two) for those "friends"
that we can't see.
(We know they are there because
SweetCheeks tells them where
to sit and they get the primo seats).
After we have plunked ourselves down,
the ticket collector takes our stubs.
She looks suspiciously like the actor,
and director, and performer
of the show
we are about to see.
If it is an especially exciting show
we must also fasten our seat belts.
Don't ask because I don't know..
but I think "we" sometimes
have SHOWS and
AMUSEMENT PARK RIDES
a bit mixed up.
Makes no difference.
Here comes the announcement...
WADIES & GUNTULMANS..
WEWCUM TO THU SHOOW!
Now I gonna dance and sing
ouprah
(that would be opera for those
in the know)
Oh Boy! I can't wait.
I am already laughing while
MyHero has that
deer-in-the-headlights-look
the one that means
OH NO-NOT AGAIN.
Buck up Buddy! This will
be over before you know it.
By the time the first few lines
of Jowly Old St. Nickkolus float out
I am suffused with laughter.
At this point
the show
STOPS!
THISSS PLAYH ISSS NOTT FUNNY!
NOW- Stay in yoah seats..
we are gonna haffta starht all
ovearh again!
This statement is accompanied by
a dramatic sigh and
an arm swiped across the brow.
The seat belts must be
refastened and tickets collected
once again.
The show resumes.
I look over at MyHero who
whispers out of the side of his mouth,
without moving his lips..
I can't wait for the intermission.
And, once again,
the strains of
JOWLY OLD ST. NICKOLUS
fills the room.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Millions! She Got Millions!

She looks so sweet and innocent.
But looks can be decieving.
No one could believe it
when Sylvia was arrested
for murdering her 5th husband.
The sting operation went off
smoothly.
Buford Buxumbomb
entered her lair and
was caught off guard
by her bewitching beauty.
Left to his own devices
he could have become
Victim #6.
However, his loyal side-kick,
Bubba Bejewsus,
busted the door in
with one swift kick
right after Buford
snapped this photo.

Sylvia was soon known worldwide
as
The Black Widow
so named for the dreaded
Black Widow Spider.
The men in her life never
suspected how deadly her bite could be.
ps...I finally got a grin out of MyHero..
However, I don't think it was my words that made him smile....Country Living Ad- Royal Velvet @ Bed Bath & Beyond

Saturday, November 20, 2010

God & The Post Office

This was sent to my
by my sister-in-law, Ellie..
Kind of sister-in-law..
used to be sister in law..
Just a "sister" now...
Anyway, she is an animal lover
and sent this to me..
I am forwarding it to you.
This is not her child but
someone sent this to her.
I have always believed that
Postal workers don't
get nearly as much credit
as they deserve...
this will warm your heart..
This is one of the kindest things you may ever see.
It is not known who replied,
but there is a beautiful soul
working in the dead letter office of
The US postal service.
Our 14 year old dog, Abbey, died last month.
The day after she died, my 4 year old daughter Meredith
was crying and talking about how much she missed Abbey.
She asked if we could write a letter to God
so that when Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her.
I told her that I thought we could so she dictated these words:
"Dear God, Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have her as my dog even though she got sick. I hope you will play with her. She likes to play with balls and to swim. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her You will know that she is my dog. I really miss her. Love, Meredith"
We put the letter in an envelope
with a picture of Abbey and Meredith
and addressed it to God/Heaven..
We put our return address on it.
Then Meredith pasted several stamps
on the front of the envelope
because she said it would take lots of stamps
to get the letter all the way to heaven.
That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post office.
A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet.
I told her that I thought He had.
Yesterday, there was a package
wrapped in gold paper
on our front porch addressed,
'To Meredith'
Meredith opened it & inside was a book by
Mr. Rogers called, 'When a Pet Dies..'
Taped to the inside front cover
was the letter we had written to God
in its opened envelope.
On the opposite page was the picture
of Abbey & Meredith and this note:
"Dear Meredith, Abbey arrived safely in heaven. Having the picture was a big help. I recognized Abbey right away. Abbey isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in your heart. Abbey loved being your dog.. Since we don't need our bodies in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep your picture in, so I am sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have something to remember Abbey by... Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked her especially for you. I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much. By the way, I'm easy to find, I am wherever there is love.
Love, God"
I thought of my friend, Tete, as I was posting this because
her "baby" just went to KittyKat Heaven
and so...
now she knows!
And all God's children said
AMEN!
xxoo Diana

Friday, November 19, 2010

Phantoms In the Pantry

My friend, Jettie, and I
have talked about ghosts.
We don't talk about them much
because we don't want people to
think we are
well...you know...
CRAZY.
Be quiet-You on the left!
I heard you going..
Ding-Dong-
Nut-so..
I resemble that remark!
Anyway...
Are you ever just sitting someplace
and you feel like someone
someone
someone
somewhere
is watching you?
Do you get that creeeeeepy feeling
Like there is someone besides you
in the room?
Me too!
The other day I had that strange,
unsettling feeling..
I whipped my head towards the
Pantry Door..
and I saw
(Oh! Mary Mother of God
and all the Saints)..
I saw..
THIS.

My heart began to beat a bit faster...

I neared the door for a closer inspection..

Holy Weirdness...WHAT?

Some one is IN there..

Trying to get out!
Who's in there, I ask in a quavery voice..
The eyes-rolled-back-in-its-head
phatom pushes its face closer to
the door..

I'm scared,

I stage whisper to no one..

A voice floats eerily out to meet my ears....

HAWWWWHHHH...IH'M GONNA GETT YOAH!!!

Ha! What can one little ghost do? I ask bravely?
HAHA! I HAFF FRIENDS...
AND
YOAH BETTEARH BE SKARHED!I AM scared...
I am scared they have
eaten all
of the
Cheetos!
the end

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Are Those Pants Brown?

WHAT'S WRONG
WITH THIS
AD?
I don't even need to make up a
caption...
EWWW

Ad-Northern -Country Living..
If the advertiser would like this ad removed-please notify me.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Magazine Mockery - What? No Gold Teeth?

Thank you so much!
I love this necklace too.
You know Aunt Felicia always promised me
that it would be mine someday.

Well, when I went to the wake and
noticed that she was WEARING it..
I kind of panicked.
So, the next day when I went to the
funeral I made sure I was
the last one in line before
they closed the casket.
I leaned down to kiss her
and snatched that thing off her
neck quicker than a duck
on a Junebug,
slipped it in my pocket
and no one was the wiser.
Nancy's Ad-Coastal Living
If the advertiser would like this ad removed-please notify me.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Pumpkin Pie Torte-Oh My!

Now I'm not saying...
Seriously ..
I am NOT saying..
That this is
THE BEST
Pumpkin Pie Torte
that you will ever eat.
I don't have to tell you
because pictures
speak for themselves.BabyE was given a tablespoon
of
Pumpkin Pie Torte
that was left in
Mom's Dish.
I don't know if he has ever
had a real
sugary treat before.
Here he is trying to figure
out how to get it
out of the bowl..
Hmmmm...Maybe
Just Maybe..
If he puts the bowl down
a bit and leans his face
towards it...
Maybe-just maybe..
that will work?He gets enough in his mouth
to look at Mom and
signal
with his baby blues..
Mmmm...This is good!Next he looks at Nana.
Mmmm...Nana...You are the most wonderful,
beautiful, sweetest Nana ever.
I love you Nana.
This is THE BEST
Pumpkin Pie Torte in the
whole world!
Can't you just read that in his expression?
I can...because I am the
Grandchild Whisperer..
I KNOW what they are thinking..
And...because I know...
Because I KNOW..
how much this little boy loves this
I ask him
ever so sweetly..
Do you want another bite?
What do you think this expression means?
I'm taking that for a YES..
A big resounding YES!
One more baby bite..
and then it's off to bathtime and
beddy-bye for you.
Now in case..
just in case..
You, too, would like to see
looks like this on the faces
of your family and friends...
I am posting the recipe
right here for you.
It is courtesy of Carol
a volunteer co-worker..
She said it was
calorie free between
November 1st and Thanksgiving..
but she may have been lying..
you know how those red-heads are.
So..go ahead...be brave..
Try this for yourself!
Pumpkin Pie Torte
Base:
1 Box white or yellow cake mix
½ cup softened butter
1 egg
Combine above-reserve 3/4 cup of this for the topping.
Press rest into a 9/13 pan.
Filling:
1-30 oz can Pumpkin Pie MIX (not filling)
1/3 cup evaporated milk
2 eggs
Combine above and pour over base.
Topping:
3/4 cup reserved topping (from base mix)
1 cup sugar (a little more if you like it really crispy)
1 t cinammon or pumpkin pie spice
Mix together. Sprinkle on top of filling layer.
Bake @350ยบ for 45 minutes or until set
(make sure base is done-I baked mine for an hour).
Cool completely.
Serve with whipped cream or Cool Whip.
Sit back and enjoy the looks on
the faces of your friends/family/co-workers.
Don't eat any yourself..
because I have learned that
the fatter they get..
the skinnier I look!
Amen

Monday, November 15, 2010

SweetCheeks~Pumpkins and Prayers

Last weekend the girls
wanted to use their
Pumpkin placemats
one more time.
Lulu set the table
while Ria & SweetCheeks
supervised.
We had some of our favorites..
Toasted Cheese Sandwiches
and
Tomato soup~
courtesy of Campbells.
(Did you think I was gonna lie
and say I made it from scratch?)
God let Campbells make
soup in cans for a reason.
Just think-
Every can of Campbells I buy
means some canner keeps
his job for one more minute.
See? There is a purpose behind every
action.
Now, before we eat,
SweetCheeks volunteers to say a prayer.
She prays for soup that is NOT too hot
and she prays for Dora thu Explorerah
and she prays that her underwearh dus
not stick to her butt.
Her sister, Ria, is her
best audience..
hanging on to her every word.
It is all Lulu can do to not
burst out laughing.She is so earnest in her prayers..
that I am impressed.
I, too, am hoping that my underwear
doesn't stick to my butt..
especially considering I might
wet my pants if I stand here listening
much longer.

The prayer ends and the meal commences.

There is only ONE wee problem.

SweetCheeks insists her cup has a hole in it

cuz it is dripping down her chin.

I tell her she has to "line her lips up

with the curve in the cup" like her

sisters are doing.

She tries it several times before

voicing her final opinion.

Dese is stooopid cupps cuz they dwrip

dhown yoah face! And I doan't want

to haff to line my mouff up with the

cup like yoah sayed woood work, Nana..

cuz I tried it and it dussn't whork at all!

Can I jus' haff a spoon now, please?Yep! You sure can, SweetCheeks.

Next time you should pray for cups that

don't drip.

Pffffttt...Dass is not effven funny, Nana!