Nana Diana Takes A Break

Nana Diana Takes A Break

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Pants On The Ground-Pants On The Ground

In honor of Wednesday night's American Idol (repeat performance of Pants On The Ground) I am repeating this blog for my newer readers!

Hey! Long before that became a popular saying/song (thanks American Idol) we knew what that meant! And it DIDN'T mean the generation that lets their pants bag til the fly is below the knees. How DOES that work anyway? Sorry, I digress. I started to tell you what it USED to mean when there were Pants On The Ground. It meant POTTY TRAINING TIME. Remember those days? huh? huh? Sure you do-reach waaaaay back! Ah! Yes! There are those memories.
Today Dr.Phil teaches YOU how to train YOUR child by throwing a party. Yes, you heard that right-You pee- you party. If that's how it worked for adults most of us would be partying our pants off once we hit oh-lets-say-about 55! Yes! That's a good age~ 55 or so- It just DEPENDS!
Anyway, back to the potty training business......Here's how his theory works- You spend ONE WHOLE DAY in the bathroom with your pants off....No-not YOUR pants- The kid's pants. You put the kid's pants on the ground and have him/her/it sit. Guess where they sit? Hooray-Good guess! -I may just have to throw a party for you! The KID sits on the TOILET. You better bring a chair in with you because it is going to be a LONG day and the only real seat is already taken. So, every time little Miss/Mister does the deed you blow up a balloon and let them pop it...you sing, you shout, you praise Jesus...the kid has peed~ NOW- If they drop a bomb-the party really explodes......someone (who shall remain nameless) is at a remote location - (let's say their car phone outside just so you get the picture)....When the BOMB is dropped- You (somehow manage to) notify someone to CALL the house and pretend they are a character- you know - like Mickey Mouse or Barney (the big purple guy) or Dora The Explorer and you CONGRATULATE your little pooper for the dropping of the doo-doo. Hooray! Hooray! I pooped today! Yes, indeedy, this method is supposed to completely potty-train a child in one day. Say, maybe the character you should call would be Dr. Phil being as it was his idea in the first place.
Now....if all this hoopla doesn't work I will give you MY OWN PERSONAL METHOD FOR POTTY TRAINING. Bribery! Yes, bribery...don't turn your nose up...I'm sure you have done worse. Candy bars! Crayons! Coca-Cola! My personal favorite? M&M's ~ They don't cost much and you only have to dole them out one at a time. My own son would push out 40 little tiny turds a day to get an M&M. It worked-Look how he turned out....oh...never mind... (apologizing to my son who knows this is true but is going to deny it anyway-kind of like he denies he used to pee on the ficus tree in the living room-Well, someone was peeing in there and it wasn't me). Well, that wraps up this lesson and I am off for M&M's.....you never know when there is going to be a pooper-in-training in the house.
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4 comments:

  1. OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS-IT'S EVEN MORE HYSTERICAL KNOWING THE PEOPLE INVOLVED-BE GENTLE IF MY NAME EVER COMES UP, TRY TO REMEMBER HOW I'M YOUR BESTEST EX-IN-LAW EVER! YOU ARE ONE FUNNY AND TALENTED WOMAN FOR AN OLD BROAD. LOVE IT!

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  2. Try having 'twins' who you are trying to train.. We had 2 potty chairs in the bathroom, I kept the throne for my place to sit.

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  3. This post is so funny, I had to read it aloud to my husband who is still laughing his head off. After this I'm going to forward your site to my oldest daughter who is now trying to potty train her 5th kid. Believe you me, she doesn't have the time to watch Dr. Phil so she's gonna appreciate this info. NOT. But it is going to give her a gut splitting laugh! Anyone who has all day, one whole day to spend sitting beside their kid in the crapper, has too much time on their hands. Oh, and I trained 5 kids with M&M's and it worked great, thank you. Now I know why the ficus tree in my family room smells like pee! FYI Dr. Phil, "if I would have popped a balloon and screamed and yelled every time one of my potty trainees was doing his/her business, they would still be in therapy!"

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  4. Hilarious!

    Thanks for stopping by my place.

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