Yesterday I took Little Lulu to school. She spent the previous night at our house all by herself~a rare occurrence when you have 2 younger siblings. She didn't have to share hugs or attention with anyone. She is a comical little thing- 7 going on 12. She is smart beyond her years (and makes sure her sister that is one year younger knows it). She can read on about a 4th grade level and comprehends pretty much of what she reads. She took a test on dinosaurs and got 100%-you know, Herbivores, Omnivores...remember those? Sure you do! Sad to say MrK did NOT remember his dinosaurs. She said-I'm going to give you a little test Papa. What kind of test he wanted to know. Oh, it's an easy one she assured him. There's only 12 questions and I got them all right. After the test MrK hung his head low with shame. She told him that if he ever DID have to take a REAL test she would help him with the answers. Yes, indeedy, our little Lulu is very smart. However, and here is where it gets interesting, she is very literal- Let me spell that for you L-I-T-E-R-A-L. What does that mean, you ask? I'm so glad you asked. Well, I would have told you anyway but it's always nice to get a little encouragement. (Her MOM is literal too, but we aren't going to talk about that today-I will save that for a day when I need a REALLY GOOD laugh). So back to Lulu~ We are driving along and she is reading. She is reading a Dora The Explorer book. Now if you are around kids you know who Dora is~she is the modern version of Captain Kangeroo (raise your hand if you remember him-You too, you liar, I KNOW you're old enough to remember him-always giving me that crap that you weren't born yet-yeah right-you might LOOK 40 but---I KNOW who your plastic surgeon is-I work at the hospital remember?)...okay...where was I? Oh, yeah, Dora The Explorer is like Captain Kangeroo- only without the cheerios in the big ole droopy mustache. She goes on great adventures and teaches you the Spanish version of the work-like Hola- for Hello. So, Little Lulu is reading along and she comes to a spot in the story that puzzles her. She stops reading and asks, "Nana-what is a SCHOOL BUTT?" I asked- "You mean a school BUS? (thinking to myself OK-this kid is not as smart as I thought she was). NO...she says....School BUTT-what is a school but? I said- Lulu-that must be a mis-print it must mean school bus! By now Lulu is working herself into a snit. NO-Nana-it says right here Dora is going to the school butt. Huh? What? What does the NEXT sentence say? OHHHHH- It says, Dora is going to the school BUT she needs to walk on the sidewalk. Ah....thank God! Mystery solved but I am about to wet my pants from trying not to laugh out loud (well that and the fact that I drank a whole pot of coffee while she was poking along getting ready).
However, here is the greater mystery of the day. As we get nearer to the school (which I should mention at this point is a parochial school-which will come into play a bit further along) Lulu is reading (I think) and says- Jesus, Mary & Joseph! OK-Either she is cursing, which I doubt because she has never cursed before, OR she is praying (and going to her school that might be an option)....but just to make sure I whip my head around (without my eyes ever leaving the road because that wouldn't be safe with a child in the car)...I whip around and look at her. She is staring out the window and pointing. My eyes follow her extended finger. Lo and behold, it is a Christmas Nativity. No matter that it is now Valentine's Day.... No matter that all the other Christmas decorations in the area have been stored away...No sir...what we have here is a life-size nativity on the front lawn. (nothing wrong with that folks-we all have them)...AH-but here is what makes this one special. The "shelter" (call it a creche, call it a stable,whatever you like)...the "shelter" is made out of stolen signs! I am not kidding you-I am not making this up-Jesus, Mary & Joseph are residing in an abode that would not please them. I'm not sure about this but I am pretty sure that the idiot that set this up didn't realize that when you are standing straight in front of it and looking in you would see a big Vote For sign on one side and a ROADWORK AHEAD-DO NOT ENTER on the other side. What was this guy thinking? Now, not only do I have to explain WHY he has a stable up in his front yard for Valentine's Day-I have to pretend that I didn't see the stolen street signs....and don't be trying to tell me that they were discards. I have NEVER in my whole, l-o-n-g life seen discarded street signs. Have you? Before Lulu can ask any more questions we have reached the school and I am off the hook. You know-It could have been a whole lot worse. We could have been coming down the back street to our place where the neighbor has seen fit to make a large metal oval oil tank into a Holstein (that's a cow (C-O-W) for all you city folk) complete with ears that stick up and a milking farmer....Imagine explaining THAT to a kid!